Chapter Twelve – Past turned into happy present

It was quarter past 5 in the evening when Saba was done with the classes for the day at the university. But she couldn’t head home just yet since it was a Monday and she had her duty at scheduled from 5:30 to 10:00 that evening.

Saba didn’t have to take a bus to go to the library she worked at since it was a few blocks away from the university. It was the first day of spring that year and she saw white flowers slowly appearing on the barren plants on one side of that street. The cold from the winter still remained so she wore a dark blue sweater on top of her abaya and black scarf. This day reminded her that it was almost a year since she began working at the library. She was a different girl back then, with a tendency to rebel, though she still ultimately ended up listening to her father one way or the other. Her father always told her to learn more about Islam and pray regularly. She didn’t learn much about Islam but, listened to some advises her father gave that she loved, like keeping promises and being honest and also prayed on time just so she didn’t feel guilty for disobeying her father. She’d wanted to wear short tops and skirts to the university but her father advised her to wear abaya. She didn’t agree to that back then, yet ended up wearing knee length long-sleeved dresses with tight jeans and hijab. Her father told her not to get involved with boys at the university. She didn’t, for the most part but ended up getting into a relationship anyway and that was hidden from her father until the very end.

Saba sighed as she remembered how she’d hurt and disappointed her father in so many ways. And yet he was the only one who supported her and loved her in the end. Perhaps that’s the reason she began to obey him even more, and began to learn about Islam. The more she learned about Islam, the more she wanted to follow it and the more she realized that the westerners speaking against it simply have no clue of what it really is. It was through following Islam and learning more about the Quran that her wounded heart finally found rest and she thought she could accomplish so much more despite the terrible verbal abuse she faced.

As she gave it a thought, she remembered just how empowered she was during the first days that she repented, was so close to the Quran and was learning about Islam on a regular basis. She did whatever she did with the sincere intention of pleasing Allah. She tried to excel in her studies at the university to show to her non-muslim friends that that was how a young muslim was. When anyone asked her about what motivates her to do her best every single time, she would say that it was to be grateful for the potential God has given her. She was able to convince herself not to feel bad about her image, since she truly believed God had made her in the most beautiful way. And this was the reason she was able to stop the pills her psychiatrist had given her months ago.

Perhaps she was going down a spiral once again and getting insecure because she was getting distant from the teachings of Islam. The last book she began to read was about the “Mothers of Believer.” She’d only read the first chapter which was about Khadhija (RA), who was the first wife of the Prophet (SAW), and a powerful lady of her time both in position and in her faith in Allah. She’d read the book halfway and stopped about 3 months ago due to the piling up of her assignments. She’d stopped learning about Islam since then as she assumed it would harm her studies and her life as whole if it consumed too much time. But she shouldn’t have done that, she thought to herself as she realized how far from Allah she felt. And just then, she made a commitment to herself to learn more about Islam from that evening onwards. Starting from the book that must still be sitting on the small file holder on her desk at the library. She would recite more Quran and be more regular with the sunnah prayers and dhikr.

Saba nodded to herself with a smile as contentment filled her heart with the decision she’d just made. Her phone rang the moment she took a deep breath. She immediately reached out to the side pocket of her back pack to take her 3 year old outdated phone. Seeing Maya’s name on the screen, Saba received the call.

“Hey Maya I’m almost there!” Saba said, as she thought her fellow co-worker was getting impatient to get off duty.

“I know….just called to ask you something.”

“What?”

“Are you going to have snacks at the library like the past few weeks or are you going to have a proper dinner at the restaurant nearby here this evening?” Maya asked. Saba’s steps slowed down as the joy in her eyes got ripped away from them when Maya mentioned the restaurant nearby the library. A memory related to that restaurant made her heart feel as though it sunk into her chest. Saba couldn’t say anything for a while until Maya called her.

“Um….Maya, you know very well I don’t go there anymore and you know why too.” Saba said, with a disturbed expression on her face as was her heart.

“I know but…..there is an eccentric new meal they introduced today. You’ve got to try it!” Maya said and Saba began to think this time. Why was Maya being so adamant about sending her to that restaurant? So much so that she couldn’t even wait to say this until she reached the library? What was up with her?

“Well if you want me to try it, why don’t you buy it for me and bring it to the library?”

“Oh yes! That’s a great idea! I’ll buy it for you. But you need to go there to get the take away since I’m going home now. See ya!” Maya said and hung up the phone before Saba could say anything. Saba looked at her phone with a puzzled look. Just then she was taking the turn that led her to the street leading to the library just one block away on the left. Saba headed towards the library to find Maya coming out through the door.

“Maya what’s up? Was it so urgent that you had to call me? And I-“

“First of all…..tell me this, girl. When did you get a new lover?” Maya asked, with her hands crossed against her chest and a sly look in her eyes.

“Lov….I don’t know what you are talking about. Maya you know that I’m not interested in getting any kind of a lover anymore! Men are crap!” Saba said with a firm voice and a hint of rage.

“Hmm….this is more interesting than I thought then…I’m going to buy the meal for you. Be sure to be at the restaurant by 8:30 tonight. Imma be back at duty by then. You are going to be free to go have dinner.”

“Maya….you don’t need to do this. I don’t-“

“It’s about time you had a dinner out, Saba. You give me the flexibility when I need it. So this is just me returning a favour okay?” Maya said with a wink.

Saba still began to say ‘buts’ yet Maya was not hearing any of it. She headed towards the restaurant, that they could see a few blocks away from across the library. Saba finally gave in and looked at her friend as she walked towards the restaurant. She sighed as the memories began engulfing her again but got into the library before being carried away by them.

It took her a while to get a hold of herself even after sitting at the counter of the library but she did, all by herself, unlike a few months ago. For that she was ever grateful. It was easier to dwell on that gratitude as she remembered the aims she targeted for herself on the way to the library. She looked into the file folder near the computer and among those files in the folder, she found the paper-back book she was looking for. “The Virtues of the Mothers of Believers.” was the title on the book. She opened it by putting the tip of her fingers on the tip of the bookmark that was peeking out of the book. When she opened the book, the bookmark caught her eye more than the text of the book. The light pink bookmark said, “To the most beautiful girl I know, Love you.” in a casual font. Saba slowly took that bookmark in her hand, then again beginning to lose herself in the memories of her heartbreak. But that bookmark wasn’t exactly related to the heartbreak. Neither was it directly related to her ex. This is why it probably survived in her hands to this day. She still remembered how she’d gotten it. It was the very day that had haunted the restaurant near the library for her.

It was the 5 month anniversary of her very first relationship. She was never someone who would celebrate a monthly anniversary of a relationship but her boyfriend had taken her out on a date on their 1 month anniversary. However, that was the only celebration they had together and Saba had begun to notice that her boyfriend Shamweel was getting more and more distant from her by the day. She planned a surprise for him to celebrate their fifth month together at the restaurant nearby the library she worked at. She’d reserved the most expensive table of the restaurant which offered quite a bit of privacy since it was on the top floor with a fantastic sight of the full moon and a sky with stars. She’d called one of her classmates Wendy to help her in decorating the floor and the table. Along with Wendy, Saba had lit small lavender candles all around the wooden floor and groomed the wooden railing with flower vines. She’d ordered the restaurant to make an Italian dinner because it was Shamweel’s favourite, not hers. And she’d made blue berry cupcakes though that too, wasn’t her liking. Each cupcake had a letter to be held by a group of little girls when Shamweel came and it would read “I love you.” This was the first time ever that she made arrangements like this and it took almost half of her life savings. She could have invited Shamweel for a simple dinner at her house but she’d thought he would like her more and he would appreciate her effort if she went out of her way to make him happy.

Thus she’d called him with a hopeful heart in hope that it would begin a happier chapter of her life. But he hadn’t picked up the phone, even after she’d called twice and thrice.

So she’d gone to his house, in desperation to show him the surprise she made for her. He opened the door a few times after she’d rung the bell.

“Oh hi Saba….” Shamweel had said as he opened the door. As Saba was about to say something, she saw another girl appear from behind him, dressed in a knee length sleeveless flashy dress.

“Who is she?” Saba asked almost subconsciously.

“Oh….Saba, meet Kylie, she is the new model who is going on the cover of my brother’s magazine. Actually we are busy with the photo shoots at the moment. Why don’t you come in and wait until we are done?”

“Are you…the one taking photos?”

“Me? No….my brother is taking them. My brother’s photographer said that he won’t take indecent photographs. Kudos to him for loving trees and animals more than a woman. He was just giving an excuse to spend more time with his girlfriend I’m sure. Anyway since my brother isn’t as professional in taking photos, I need to be there while he clicks Kylie. So that we both agree on the best shots….so sit down until we come back. Let’s go Kylie!” Shamweel said and turned his back to Saba, facing Kylie and walking with her while holding the small of her back. Saba stood at the door, numbed at the scene until they disappeared from her sight into a room. Saba thought of leaving but in an instant, remembered that Shamweel told her to wait so she got herself into the living room and sat on the sofa. As she was about to get lost in thoughts about Shamweel’s relationship with Kylie, a phone on the glass table in front of her began to ring. When she looked at the phone, she realized it was Shamweel’s. She gave a closer look at the screen and the contact name said “Foolish photographer”. A frustration appeared on her face as she realized that Shamweel has no respect for the photographer who worked for his brother. From what she heard, she could say that he was a very hard working employee. Shamweel held grudges against him saying that the photographer says offensive things to him. Saba trusted him but told him multiple times that it wasn’t good to be bad to him regardless of what he does. She wanted Shamweel to have the best of character in everything so she could look up to him. But….

The ringing came to a halt as it rang the maximum number of rings. After a few seconds, there was ringing again and it was still the “Foolish photographer”. Saba wanted to pick it up thinking that he must have something important to say. But as she was about to take it, the ringing stopped once again. And before she took her hand back, a text message came from the same contact. Saba took the phone and made an attempt in unlocking the phone with the assumption that he had something urgent to communicate with Shamweel. After a few attempts, Saba was able to make the pattern that she remembered from a few days ago and opened the message from the photographer.

“Hey! I heard from my girlfriend Wendy that your girl has made a surprise for you at a restaurant. To celebrate you guys’ anniversary. Please be nice to her this time. Wendy said that the girl spent a lot of her hard-earned money on it. Trust me on this, she is a keeper.”

The message read and Saba began to think about the man who sent the message. During the few classes she’d attended with Wendy, she’d told Saba about her boyfriend. Wendy told her that he was muslim and he was everything she could wish for in a boyfriend. Wendy told her about all the nice things he did for her from date nights, to flowers to long walks. She’d told Saba that she was sad knowing that he wouldn’t marry her. As he made it clear from the beginning of the relationship that he was only dating for the sake of it. To make a perfect couple in order to show it off on social media and gain popularity among the students. Wendy said she tried her best not to get emotionally involved but she did because of how charmingly and decently he’d dealt with her.

Saba could guess from the message that just how charming he must be. Even more so, from the next message that he’d sent.

“I have sent a bouquet to her workplace along with a small message. Tell her you left it there for her. It would break her heart if you don’t do anything for her this time. Thank me later.”

Saba looked at that message longer than she’d expected. She’d heard giggles from the inside of the house as she was looking at it. She kept the phone on the table, got up and took a few steps to see Shamweel and Kylie laughing and joking in the narrow corridor formed by rooms on either side. It seemed as though they were headed to Shamweel’s room which was on the far end of that corridor. When Saba called out to him, they both turned around.

“Oh Saba…you still here?”

“Y….you told me to wait…”

“Oh….oh yeah. You could go now darling!”

“But Shamweel….I…I have a surprise for you. Lets go out and have dinner tonight. It’s our anniversary.” Saba said as she felt tears in her eyes as she realized the effort she had to make. She never meant to say that until they reached the restaurant. But said it anyway in hope he would turn around.

“I see….why don’t you go Saba? I would be heading there in a few minutes. Right now I’m taking Kylie on a little break. I would be there once we are done with the work, okay love?” Shamweel said, not taking his hands off Kylie’s shoulder even once when he spoke. Saba’s heart thought of being mad at him but got carried away the moment he addressed her as ‘love.’ She’d said okay in a whisper trying her best to smile with tears in her eyes.

And she’d waited for him. She’d waited for him, for what felt like an eternity all by herself. It was windy and the candles kept blowing away and she kept lighting them continuously to make sure everything was perfect for the time he came. But he never showed up and Saba had to send the little girls to their homes too. She was still seated at the table, with a dinner and cakes she couldn’t bring herself to eat. And just as she was about to leave, she got a call from Maya, telling her to check her phone. She got online and logged into Instagram to find pictures of Shamweel and Kylie hugging and getting close to one another in a way he didn’t even get close to her, or she hadn’t allowed him to.

That should have been the end of their relationship. Alas, Saba got carried away then again when Shamweel showed her crocodile tears and she found herself getting stuck in the cycle of that abuse. Along the things he said, he’d told her that he’d sent the bouquet and the bookmark with a message. But Saba clearly knew it was a lie, though she pretended not to know in front of him.

Perhaps that’s why the bookmark stayed with her to this day. It wasn’t really a mark of Shamweel in her life. Rather, it was a mark that there were still men who cared about the feelings of others. Saba found herself wondering about that man quite often after her break up with Shamweel. But shook those thoughts away as she’d made a firm decision not to get attached. However, she could not help but think about him again, as she saw that bookmark after a few months. Who exactly must have he been? What was his name? What did he look like? Saba wondered about those questions for the umpteenth time. And for some weird reason, she remembered someone, just as she remembered the man was a photographer. She winced as she pictured a man smiling at her ever so vividly. She literally shook her head to get those thoughts out of her head. And fortunately, a young lady got into the library just then which helped her to get herself together.

She tried hard not to think about the conclusion she reached that evening as she did her work, read her book, prayed the prayers and recited Quran. Finally at night she did decided to take Maya’s favour and go to the restaurant when she came back, in order to get away from those thoughts and also to convince herself that she was definitely over the heartbreak named Shamweel. Little did she know that the restaurant was going to reverse both of those intentions, yet it wasn’t going to hurt her.

When Saba reached the restaurant, she saw that it was dimly lit with orange lights just like the last time she’d gone there. Memories from the past held her back for a few seconds yet she forced a smile and got into the restaurant, telling herself that she wasn’t going to waste her friends’ money on her food no matter what. However, when she reached the counter, she got to know that there wasn’t any take away for her.

“I’m sorry ma’m. There is no take away for you. However, you’ve been invited by someone to be on the second floor at this time. The spiral stairs right there will take you to that floor.” the young boy at the register said.

“Who invited me? Was it Maya who arranged this?” Saba asked. Maya was going crazy!

“I’m sorry but I was told not to tell you. You are going to find out once you go there.” the boy said with a smile. Saba sighed as she thought Maya was being unbelievable. It would have taken a fortune to reserve that floor for her. She was going to scold her for this for months until she returned every single penny she spent on this. Saba spoke with herself as she climbed up the dark brown wooden staircase. Her steps were fast when she began but they slowed down as she reached the floor, because of what she saw. There were small candles, all around the wooden floor. She smelled lavender the as she got closer and realized it had to be from the candles. She saw the railing, covered with flower vines. The flowers were pink and white, just like the last time she came here. Just as she left the last step on the stair case, a group of little girls formed a line in front of her, with giggles that made her laugh automatically. She saw them holding her favorite chocolate cupcakes and she felt as though she was dreaming as she saw them in a dim light made from candles and the full moon night. When she looked at the cupcakes carefully, she saw some letters. The cakes were arranged to form the words, “Thank you.”

“Thank you, to the most trustworthy woman I have ever seen.” the deep voice came from the left and Saba looked in that direction to find the man she was having a hard time forgetting that whole evening.