Chapter Twenty – Prelude to farewell
Saba turned the corner of her dark green hijab to place it on the right side of her head to put the last pin on that shawl. It was 8:00 PM at night and she was looking at herself in the full length mirror as she readied herself to visit Zayaan’s parents. Just as she was about to turn around, she felt loving hands surrounding her from underneath her arms across her abdomen. She smiled as she smelled his scent and felt his chin resting on her shoulder.
“Look who’s all dressed up to be so beautiful!” Zayaan said as he looked at both of them in the mirror before kissing her on the cheek. Saba closed her eyes as her smile grew even deeper. Gone were the days where she questioned her looks. She was now more confident than she ever was in her whole life. She felt loved for who she was and her heart was now fully healed. She often looked back at how she’d reached this point with the man who stood beside her. She remembered how she doubted if she would ever be able to have a healthy relationship again. She thought about how sure she was of suffering from lack of love and compassion even if she got into another relationship. She recollected how she was getting overly attached with Zayaan to the point she was thinking about him even in salaah and thought it could never be a healthy attachment.
But Zayaan changed all of her perspectives all together. He showed her what a man does when he truly loves and cares about a woman. He showed her that its possible for that love not to run out. He made her realize that her unhealthy attachment even to him, was because of her unhealed heart and because of her lack of remembrance in Allah. He was the one who helped her pick up the pieces of her broken heart and fix it by reminding her of the Love of Allah. And by constantly helping her in getting that Love. She’d thought that a love like that could only be found in stories until their marriage happened.
They exchanged words of love even in that moment before they headed out to go.
**
About 10 minutes into their drive, they’d reached the city and began to see tall buildings and shopping malls. Saba asked Zayaan to stop by a shop so that she could buy some gifts for his parents. Zayaan parked the car in the parking lot and they both walked to get into the fully lit 10 storey building. It didn’t occur to them that a motorcycle that was following them from the country side stopped by the shop just as they got in. The man on the motorcycle took off his helmet and looked at the couple going into the mall before getting off the motorcycle.
**
“Oh look! Raspberry cakes….mum likes them doesn’t she?” Saba said as she eyed the medium sized cakes in the showcase.
“She sure does….” Zayaan said, admiring Saba for her ability to remember the likes and dislikes of even those who hated her.
“They look so good. Can’t decide on which one to pick.” Saba said, not taking her eyes off the cakes.
“Well I’m gonna go look for something Dad might like while you pray istikhaara on which cake to choose.” Zayaan said. Saba gave him a look with narrowed eyes and he ended up laughing. And then he gave a squeeze to her hand that he held saying ‘I will be back’ with a smile. For some reason, he always ended up saying that whenever he went away from her. As though he’d always looked forward to being with her again even if he went away for a short while. Saba always felt loved when he said that and thus she smiled back, forgetting the short-lived grudge.
When Zayaan walked away, Saba went back to looking at the cakes in front of her. Just as she decided on which one to choose, she heard a heavy and familiar voice from the back.
“Saba…”
She froze as she realized it was a voice from years ago. A voice that was close to her but she hadn’t heard in forever. She hesitantly turned back to see who it was and her eyes grew wide and she saw his face.
**
Zayaan had a smile on his face as he walked his way back to the aisle with the cake showcase. He had a basket that had some of his dad’s favourite brand of assorted nuts and Saba’s favourite chocolate. He planned the right words to surprise her with as he reached the aisle but his smile faded as he didn’t find her there. His eyebrows furrowed as he realized he wasn’t away for so long and even if he was, Saba would find him before going to the counter on her own.
Zayaan quickly went to the counter area with his eyes wandering everywhere looking for her. But a rush of nervousness ran over his chest when he didn’t find her neither in the queue at the counter nor anywhere near there. He began talking to the cashier at the counter even before the man in front of him in the queue wasn’t done.
“Excuse me! Has my wife come to the counter just now? She wore a green scarf and a long black dress.” Zayaan asked, keeping his basket on the counter.
“I haven’t seen her I’m afraid.” the woman at the counter responded as she bagged the items of the customer in front of Zayaan. His nervousness grew with that answer and he went out of the queue to search for her not caring about his items on the counter.
He began pacing across and in between all the aisles on that floor as he dialed Saba’s number. He’d expected her to pick up the phone with the first ring but when the rings kept repeating themselves, a coldness engulfed in his chest. He kept ringing her over and over again as he felt his heart thumping against his chest with his breath falling short. He felt angry at her with the thought that this might be a joke she was playing on him. But felt more anxious than that, with the thought that something may have happened to her. He fought against that thought hard as it was intolerable for him to even imagine such a thing.
Once he was sure he was going around in circles in that floor, he thought of going to the next but then he noticed the main door of the mall. She may have gone out he thought as he headed out the door. With the urge to call her out loud, he was only able to let out a whisper as he still didn’t want to give up on the fact that she must be near. With his eyes wandering everywhere he headed to the parking lot with second thoughts of going back into the mall to search all the floors. He almost gave into those thoughts until he reached the parking lot to see her looking down while leaning against his car as though she didn’t have the energy to stand straight.
“S…Saba!” he called out and his voice echoed in the parking lot. She turned her head to see him but stayed as she did.
“Gosh I thought I would go crazy! I thought something happened to you. Why did you run off? Why didn’t you pick up the phone? If this was some kind of joke you played I hate it I tell ya!” Zayaan said as he walked up to her with a hint of rage in his voice. It was then that he saw the sadness on her face as he looked close. Her eyes were teary as they looked up at him and she trembled as she kept her hands across her chest.
“What happened, love? Did something happen while I was gone? Did someone say anything? Tell me all about it…” Zayaan asked as he held her face with both hands. His heart ached as he saw tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry, darling! And tell me…if it was the Shamweel guy I swear I’m gonna rip him apart. I won’t tolerate let a single person hurting you in anyway.” Zayaan said, with his emotions getting the best of him as he saw the one he loved the most in pain. He felt his heart twist with pain as he heard her first sob. When she began to cry he brought her in his arms, placing her head on his chest. Her hands tightly held his shirt from the back as he felt her tears on his chest. He lovingly caressed her hair as he wanted her to know that he cared, though he didn’t know what was wrong. He desperately wanted to ask her even more but realized he wouldn’t be getting the answers in that moment. And more so because even he needed the embrace, to escape the feeling that he’d just had. The feeling that he’d lost the love of his life.
