Chapter Twenty Three – Comfort in pain
Zayaan sat still on the sofa, as he looked at the picture displayed on his phone. The picture of a black woman in her 30s, wearing an abaya and hijab along with a kind smile as she held her teenage daughter lovingly on her right by the shoulder.
He still felt shivers down his spine as Hamadh’s words echoed in his ears.
This is sissy’s mom… who was killed by one of her brothers. Sissy doesn’t like to talk about that. I only know this because I overheard a neighbor talking about it to Uncle Sameer. I asked sissy about it and she ended up crying. I never talked about it since then.
Hamadh had explained to him in detail. Zayaan could not muster the courage to ask more from Hamadh, considering how much of an impact such news may have had on his little soul. So Zayaan sent him away and decided to wait for his father-in-law to come back from a visit to a nearby farm.
It was not long before Zayaan heard the front door opening and Sameer making an entrance. Sameer greeted Zayaan with a wide smile as soon as he saw him.
“Well, if it isn’t my son-in-law after so long. How is everything? Where is Saba?” Sameer spoke as he kept the bags that he brought on the dining table and came to sit on the sofa right in front of Zayaan.
“Saba isn’t feeling so well so I just dropped by…” Zayaan said, trying to sound casual.
“What happened to her? Did she eat those peanuts again?” Sameer asked.
“No, Dad it’s just…. even I’m not sure what’s wrong. She has been acting strange since last night…” Zayaan said, his worry now apparent on his face.
“Last night?” Sameer asked, curiously looking forward to an explanation.
So Zayaan spilled it all out to Sameer. From the part where they went to the mall to this moment where Saba isn’t saying much to him.
“She has been looking at this picture since morning. I asked Hamadh about it and….”
Zayaan could not speak further. Instead, he unlocked his phone and kept it on the table in the middle for Sameer to see. Sameer’s eyes widened as soon as he saw the picture. His eyes reddened and filled with tears within seconds.
“Where……where did you find this? Did Saba have it all this time?” Sameer asked in a shaken voice.
“I think she did. She didn’t happen to get anything from anyone last night. And she hadn’t gone out since morning. I saw her looking at the frame today. So she must have had it all al-“
“She mustn’t be looking at this!” Sameer said in a firm voice that startled Zayaan.
**
Saba walked towards the bathroom in the slowest pace possible. Her legs had a mild tremble with every step she took but her facial expression was completely blank as though she was unaware of that, along with her heart that was palpitating viciously in her chest.
Saba absentmindedly reached the door of the bathroom and her hands shivered as she grasped for the knob. Nobody was there to see just how strange it was for her to go into the bathroom along with her hijab and the knee length dress and jeans she was wearing.
**
“She must have been reminded of that incident again. She had been good along with therapy for so many years. But seeing a picture of her mother made her condition worse, let alone speak about her. So I hid all of the pictures. Because every time she sees these, she blames herself for the death of her mother.” Sameer said through his tears. Zayaan listened intently as he felt something weighing on his chest as he realized the pain Saba was in.
**
Saba turned a knob in the bathroom and water began to fill in the bathtub. She stood near the bathtub, looking at the flowing water while still wearing the attire from before.
**
“Every time she remembers the past, she ends up harming herself without realizing, because of the guilt she has…..what was she doing when you came? Was she alone? She mustn’t be alone in this state!” Sameer said apprehensively.
Zayaan ended up thinking about all the instances that Saba did talk to her this morning. She asked him if the bathtub was working well all out of the blue while she had never used it before.
Within a split second, Zayaan stood up while taking his phone simultaneously and walking out the door in wide steps, completely ignoring Sameer who was calling out to him. He got in the car and drove away in a flash.
**
Saba got herself into the tub that was full of water and sat in it. Then gradually, she laid down in the tub beneath the water with little air bubbles escaping through her lips. At this point, she realized she was doing something wrong. But she couldn’t help herself up, as she felt a comfort in the feeling, along with the memories of her mother.
