From the fear of people to the fear of Allah

One of the things that many of the sisters and perhaps even the brothers assume about turning towards deen is that, making tawba will make them lose their voice in society. Perhaps because of how our attire changes and how we start looking different from others. Or perhaps because of how we show off less on social media and how others start seeing us as an outcast. Making tawba really seems to be a downer, at surface level. But I’m here to tell you that the opposite is reality, if we see things in perspective in light of the ayah below.

I remember the first time I gave a speech in front of a crowd. It was in an assembly when I was in 4th grade. I stood in front of the mic while my hands that held the paper were turning ice cold. My voice shook even as I began and I was dead sure no one was clear about what I was saying. After some point, my hands shook vigorously and the paper I was holding tore apart as I was halfway through the speech.

You might think this is just a story of a poor little girl with stage fright who suffered from a panic attack on the day she gave her first speech. And that’s exactly what I told myself with the years that passed. I just convinced myself that stage fright was a thing I had and public speaking was not my cup of tea. What I didn’t realize back then was that my problem was actually deeper than that.

It wasn’t just public speaking. It was literally anything that I did while others were looking. In my teenage years, I became extremely conscious of what others would think of me. What my friends would think if I said I liked a certain kind of movie or song. What they would think if I wore a certain dress for a party. What others would think of me if I hung out with the popular students of the school. What people would think of me if I upload a certain status or share a certain post. And I would think twice and thrice and sometimes even delete after I upload a status.

After years of going through this struggle, I stumbled upon the Quran by the mercy of Allah. And I won’t say that it changed me instantly. It was rather a journey. One of the ayahs that impacted me the most is where Allah says, “Don’t fear them, fear Me.” It took me months of thinking about these words to see a change in my behaviour. One day, a friend of mine was insecure about whether any other student had heard the joke that she cracked with me. It wasn’t an indecent joke or anything of that sort so I found myself saying, “Why think about what others would think if it isn’t displeasing to Allah?”

I surprised myself with those words. And that was a major turning point in my life. After that day, whenever I felt insecure, I would ask myself ‘Is this pleasing to Allah?’ If it is, I would be at ease and if it isn’t I would change what I did. Whenever I would think of holding myself back from saying the right thing I would tell myself that if Allah is pleased with me, for saying the right thing at the right time in the right way, I would do it regardless of what others would think.

And today, whenever I stand in front of a crowd, thinking about all the ways that everyone in the crowd would be judging me, I tell myself that if what I’m about to say is something good and valuable, Allah will be pleased with me. So regardless of the looks I get, I won’t hold back my voice. Rather, I will say whatever I need to without any hesitation whatsoever.

Hence when I see the ayah below, I feel as though it speaks to me. “You feared the people, while Allah has more right that you fear Him.” Subhaanallah!

So the next time you think turning towards the deen will kill your confidence, think again. If anything, it is this deen and the fear of our Master that will make us beaming examples of confidence In Sha Allah.