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May 12 2021

“Saba!”

Zayaan called out as he saw Saba panicking out of the blue in unconsciousness.

“Saba…. Saba are you alright?!” he said, holding her shoulders tight as she shook her head in restlessness. Just then, she opened her eyes suddenly. She looked at him in shock for a moment. He held her face with one hand and one of her hands with the other.

“Are you alright?” Zayaan felt compelled to ask as he caressed her cheek with his thumb. At that moment, he saw her eyes filling up with tears. She began to cry, and the sound of her sobs echoed in the room.

Zayaan let her cry, for what felt like forever. He couldn’t bring himself to move or say anything to console her because of what he knew about her grief. He had called Sameer and let him know what had happened. Sameer waited in the hospital until nightfall in hope of seeing Saba gain consciousness. Sameer had filled Zayaan’s ears. Zayaan heard everything about Saba’s painful past. About how her brothers had turned evil and how her mother had died. About how she had blamed herself for so long for her mother’s death.

Zayaan couldn’t fathom how Saba must have survived such a trauma. While he felt sympathy for her, he still wondered about who could have reminded her of that past. To the extent that she would want to take her own life. He had to find out. At any cost.

“It’s not your fault.” Zayaan finally said, while still holding onto Saba. His words stopped Saba’s crying and she calmed down.

“As hard as this maybe for you to believe right now, it’s seriously not your fault. Even Allah doesn’t hold us accountable for the mistakes we do without knowing. So, who are we to hold onto the guilt from those mistakes?” Zayaan asked.

Zayaan felt Saba tightening the grip she had on his shirt and she moved away from him to make eye contact.

“How did you know? When did you find out?” Saba asked in terror, beginning to sweat.

“Dad told me all about it. Seriously Saba…. why didn’t you tell me bef-“

“I’m a terrible person, aren’t I? You hate me now, don’t you?” Saba said, her eyes filling with tears again.

“No, never! I didn’t think of you any less for even a second.”

“I know it, I’m just a bad person. Allah would not have decreed for me to make such a mistake if I weren’t.”

“You are not thinking straight right now, Saba. We don’t complain about the decree of Allah and you know this. What we can do is accept it and at the same time know that our past mistakes don’t define us.”

“But I made a huge….” Saba continually began to say and she started to cry again when Zayaan stopped her by putting one hand on her mouth.

“Just…don’t say anything Saba. And try not to think either. All you need is some help right now and this feeling will pass as soon as you get it In Sha Allah. Please realize this. And don’t do anything that will take you away from me.” Zayaan said, tears building up in his eyes as he remembered that dreadful moment where he had almost lost her.

Saba looked at him, with tears falling down her cheeks though she wasn’t crying. Zayaan wiped those tears for her and asked what she wanted to eat. Saba immediately refused but Zayaan didn’t give in. Saba eventually said what she wanted and Zayaan smiled, before leaving the room to get the food for her.

Zayaan was dialing Sameer’s number as he left the room. As he searched for the number while walking down the corridor, he had to stop as he heard a familiar sound of steps. He was taken aback when he looked up.

“Mom?!” Zayaan said in shock. It was none other than Zeenath, who was dressed up with a knee length dress and jeans. Her ironed hair and face full of make-up made it look like she just came out of a saloon for an event.

“Hi Zayaan, how is our daughter-in-law?” Zeenath asked, without an ounce of worry on her face. She seemed as though she would already know Saba’s state.

“I thought you said you weren’t coming.” Zayaan said with the frustration of his mother’s lack of sincerity towards Saba. He had a feeling that she wouldn’t care about Saba’s state anyway. Yet he took the time to send her a text. She had clearly refused to visit Saba, saying that she was in an important meeting.

“Well let’s just say I had a change of mind. Which room is she in?” Zeenath asked, trying to look beyond Zayaan.

“Room 405. Just…. please don’t say anything much to her. She isn’t in a state to hear harsh…anything but kind words.” Zayaan tried his best to frame his sentence in a respectful manner.

He said that he will be back in a little while before making his way through the corridor again. For a split second he wanted to look back and stay with Saba as he heard his mother’s footsteps going in the other direction. But he didn’t, in hope his mother would be good to Saba. In hope his mother would prove him wrong and for once and he will start having good assumptions about her.

But he was wrong. He was utterly wrong. He didn’t realize that not turning back and walking away from Saba that night would be the biggest regret of his life.

Zayaan was dialing Sameer even as he reached the main door of the hospital. Sameer wasn’t picking up the phone from the other end, so he had to keep dialing.

Zayaan had placed his phone on the ear as he reached the streets. He had stopped near a zebra cross where the traffic light was green, and the vehicles were passing by the street. There were only a few people on the street at that time of the night along with Zayaan.

As the light changed colour, the vehicles stopped and one of them was a big white truck. Just then, Zayaan heard Sameer’s voice from the other end.

“H..ell..o Z..an” Zayaan heard an unclear voice from the other end due to a network error.

“Hello….hello Dad can you hear me?” Zayaan said as he began to walk a little bit behind from the other people in the street.

The voice from the other end was still unclear and thus Zayaan was giving his full attention to it. He didn’t realize when he reached right in front of the white truck that was unusually making a ‘vroom’ sound though there were still a few seconds left for the traffic light to change colour.

“Uncle Sameer I just called to tell you that Saba-…” those were the last words Zayaan could say before the truck began moving towards him abruptly and its light blinded up. Within a few seconds, Zayaan was rolling on the street and when he came to a stop, he was unconscious, with blood oozing from the back of his head.

May 12 2021

Zayaan frantically dialed Saba’s number as he drove the car. He could barely breath, with his heart thumping against his chest, and his mind vividly imagining the worst-case scenario.

The phone began ringing and Zayaan anxiously looked back and forth from the windshield to the dashboard’s screen. His fear magnified when the ringing continued and there was no answer from the other end. He dialed the number again and failed to reach Saba once more.

He continued doing so and did it repetitively a dozen times until he couldn’t take it anymore and he hit the dashboard screen angrily before hitting on the accelerator.

Zayaan reached his home in the countryside faster than he ever did. He stopped the car abruptly and got out of it, not caring about how it was parked.

“Saba!” he called out as soon as he got into the house. He desperately hoped he would get an answer, but he didn’t. He rushed into the room and called out again in a raspy voice. Yet again no answer.

He then ran towards the bathroom door that was open. His heart went ‘no’ repeatedly as he went towards it, with every thump against his chest. Within a few wide steps he reached the bathtub and then he came to a sudden stop because of what he saw. It was none other than Saba, who was lying in the bathtub, under the water, eyes closed and seemingly lifeless.

Tears filled Zayaan’s eyes, and he felt numb for a few seconds. Then he fell on his knees and immediately grabbed Saba out of the water into his hands.

“Saba!” he called out loud as tears rolled down his cheeks.

Saba was playing in the backyard of her new home with her friends from the neighborhood with all smiles and without a care in the world. Her father had just moved to Switzerland with the whole family through the help from one of his close friends. Though the neighborhood they moved to was sub-urban and not luxurious, Saba was grateful that she was getting to continue her schooling abroad.

It had only been a few months and she had already made friends in the neighborhood. Her father was back from work and gardening and her mother was making evening tea for her and her friends. She knew her home to be a peaceful place, until she was startled that day with the sound of glass breaking from inside the house.

Saba opened her eyes narrowly as she heard someone calling out to her along with the sound of glass breaking that echoed in her ears. She felt an oxygen mask on her face when he saw Zayaan, who was moving the bed she was on along with the nurses on the other side, worriedly calling out to her and asking her if she could hear him. She wanted to answer but she felt so weak and dizzy that she instinctively closed her eyes again.

Then again, she began to imagine the chaos from her past. Her parents crying, as they found out that her brothers had become drug addicts. The violence that began in her home that was once filled with serenity. The cruelty that she and her mother had to face at the hands of her brothers when her father wasn’t around. And that fateful day when she gave a warning to her eldest brother.

“You are not going to get away with this! I’m going to report everything you did to the authorities. All of it!!” Saba shouted as she held on to her mother who had fainted onto the floor.

“Take that back this instant or you are going to regret it. And you know what we can do!”

“NO!” Saba said in all bravery not caring about whatever his brother may do to her. She had even closed her eyes, with a kind of fear that she’d never felt before. But her brother had unexpectedly walked out of the house, angrily shutting the door, startling Saba.

Saba opened her eyes again and this time, there was a doctor near her, along with Zayaan who was still worried. Zayaan was talking to the doctor about something but it wasn’t clear to Saba. She tried hard to remain conscious but ended up closing her eyes again.

“Saba, your mom said to turn all the knobs on the gas stove until she comes back from the grocery store. She told me to tell you this as she headed out.”

One of the boys from the neighborhood called out to her one day as she was on her way to a tuition class.

“She did? I really don’t know how the stove works.” 13-year-old Saba said, as they had gotten a gas stove only recently and she never saw one in her home country with the lifestyle they had.

“There is nothing to it! You just need to turn all the knobs to the left.” the boy said.

“I see…. thanks!” Saba said doubtfully before walking back into the house.

Her mother was new to it too. The only people who really knew about it was her father, and Saba wasn’t sure if her brothers knew. Either way, no one else was at home at the time so she had to do it on her own.

Hence, she had turned all the knobs to the left, with no fire lighting up at all. She wasn’t sure why the fire wasn’t appearing. She thought it would be a mechanism of pre-heating the stove like a microwave.

So, she had left the stove that way as she came out of the house, not realizing that would be the last time she would see that house and her mother.

Saba tried hard to catch her breath as she the noise of a loud explosion echoed in her head and her vision filled with the sight of fire. Amidst that, she heard a voice calling out to her.

“Saba…. Saba are you alright?!” that voice became clearer, and she opened her eyes with a start. It was none other than Zayaan, who held her face with one hand and holding her hand with the other.

“Are you alright?” Zayaan asked again, and tears welled up in her eyes for a reason even she couldn’t comprehend at that moment. She began to cry and the next thing she knew, she was in the warmth of two strong arms, consoling her in the best way possible, and yet she couldn’t stop crying for a long time.

May 12 2021

Zayaan sat still on the sofa, as he looked at the picture displayed on his phone. The picture of a black woman in her 30s, wearing an abaya and hijab along with a kind smile as she held her teenage daughter lovingly on her right by the shoulder.

He still felt shivers down his spine as Hamadh’s words echoed in his ears.

This is sissy’s mom… who was killed by one of her brothers. Sissy doesn’t like to talk about that. I only know this because I overheard a neighbor talking about it to Uncle Sameer. I asked sissy about it and she ended up crying. I never talked about it since then.

Hamadh had explained to him in detail. Zayaan could not muster the courage to ask more from Hamadh, considering how much of an impact such news may have had on his little soul. So Zayaan sent him away and decided to wait for his father-in-law to come back from a visit to a nearby farm.

It was not long before Zayaan heard the front door opening and Sameer making an entrance. Sameer greeted Zayaan with a wide smile as soon as he saw him.

“Well, if it isn’t my son-in-law after so long. How is everything? Where is Saba?” Sameer spoke as he kept the bags that he brought on the dining table and came to sit on the sofa right in front of Zayaan.

“Saba isn’t feeling so well so I just dropped by…” Zayaan said, trying to sound casual.

“What happened to her? Did she eat those peanuts again?” Sameer asked.

“No, Dad it’s just…. even I’m not sure what’s wrong. She has been acting strange since last night…” Zayaan said, his worry now apparent on his face.

“Last night?” Sameer asked, curiously looking forward to an explanation.

So Zayaan spilled it all out to Sameer. From the part where they went to the mall to this moment where Saba isn’t saying much to him.

“She has been looking at this picture since morning. I asked Hamadh about it and….”

Zayaan could not speak further. Instead, he unlocked his phone and kept it on the table in the middle for Sameer to see. Sameer’s eyes widened as soon as he saw the picture. His eyes reddened and filled with tears within seconds.

“Where……where did you find this? Did Saba have it all this time?” Sameer asked in a shaken voice.

“I think she did. She didn’t happen to get anything from anyone last night. And she hadn’t gone out since morning. I saw her looking at the frame today. So she must have had it all al-“

“She mustn’t be looking at this!” Sameer said in a firm voice that startled Zayaan.

Saba walked towards the bathroom in the slowest pace possible. Her legs had a mild tremble with every step she took but her facial expression was completely blank as though she was unaware of that, along with her heart that was palpitating viciously in her chest.

Saba absentmindedly reached the door of the bathroom and her hands shivered as she grasped for the knob. Nobody was there to see just how strange it was for her to go into the bathroom along with her hijab and the knee length dress and jeans she was wearing.

“She must have been reminded of that incident again. She had been good along with therapy for so many years. But seeing a picture of her mother made her condition worse, let alone speak about her. So I hid all of the pictures. Because every time she sees these, she blames herself for the death of her mother.” Sameer said through his tears. Zayaan listened intently as he felt something weighing on his chest as he realized the pain Saba was in.

Saba turned a knob in the bathroom and water began to fill in the bathtub. She stood near the bathtub, looking at the flowing water while still wearing the attire from before.

“Every time she remembers the past, she ends up harming herself without realizing, because of the guilt she has…..what was she doing when you came? Was she alone? She mustn’t be alone in this state!” Sameer said apprehensively.

Zayaan ended up thinking about all the instances that Saba did talk to her this morning. She asked him if the bathtub was working well all out of the blue while she had never used it before.

Within a split second, Zayaan stood up while taking his phone simultaneously and walking out the door in wide steps, completely ignoring Sameer who was calling out to him. He got in the car and drove away in a flash.

Saba got herself into the tub that was full of water and sat in it. Then gradually, she laid down in the tub beneath the water with little air bubbles escaping through her lips. At this point, she realized she was doing something wrong. But she couldn’t help herself up, as she felt a comfort in the feeling, along with the memories of her mother.

May 12 2021

It was a sunny day with a blue sky when a white Audi taxied near Zayaan’s original residence. The car was parked in the portico of the house and the front door opened with a click.

The man who stepped out of the car wore a thick black jacket and black jeans along with a black cap on his head. He walked with a limp towards the main door of the house and rang the doorbell. The door opened within half a minute or so and it was none other than Zayaan’s mother, Zeenath who stood at the door.

“Sinaah!” she called out with a wide smile.

“Did they come here last night?” he asked in a serious voice.

“Of course not! How can they after all you have done? Things are going according to plan I see.” she said.

“I need some tea.” Sinaah walked into the house as if it were his own. Zeenath was taken aback, and displeasure appeared on her face as usual whenever she saw his arrogant behaviour. Nonetheless she forced a smile on her face as she realized his support was the key to getting what she wanted.

A while later they were both sitting at a small table in the backyard. Zeenath sat cross legged as she watched Sinaah take big bites from his sandwich. She was disgusted by the scene. At times she even wondered why she decided to go through this route to get rid of Saba. A person from a ‘lower’ race and different skin colour from theirs having tea in their backyard was the last thing she wanted. Even so this route was working well, and she had come too far down this road to turn around.

“So…. when will it be possible to take her back to Nigeria?” Zeenath asked.

“Can’t say yet. But soon enough…” Sinaah said, gobbling the last piece of the sandwich. Zeenath gritted her teeth yet tried to remain calm.

“The sooner you do, the more handsome of a price you are going to get. And I may have to cancel giving any compensation if you are taking it too slow!” her voice raised despite her attempts not to.

“Then you, should have hired someone else for this job, lady! It’s not like I have nothing else to do. Besides, it’s your son I want revenge against. Shouldn’t that scare you before you plan on threatening me?” Sinaah said as he violently kept his cup of tea on the saucer.

Zeenath’s anger showed on her face again, this time not being able to hide from Sinaah. She wanted to say something but couldn’t, as she knew Sinaah had a valid point.

When she first saw Sinaah’s face on a newspaper article written by Zayaan, she found out who he was and contacted him all the while knowing he would be able to intimidate her in such ways. She set up a meeting with him, assuming that he would be just a random Nigerian who could help her get the black girl out of her son’s life.

However, when she met up with him and showed a picture of Saba, he happened to be one of her brothers. So, a deal was made between them. One that said if Sinaah helped Zeenath take Saba away from Zayaan, Zeenath would be helping him, and his brothers stay away from the news and perhaps even from the cops.

Zeenath looked at him with narrowed eyes before she spoke.

“You realize I could threaten you in a similar way, don’t you? I could hand you over to the authorities any moment. So let’s not have this immature fight and plan the next step.” Zeenath said in a collected manner before taking a sip from her tea.

Zayaan was barely paying attention to the road as he was driving towards his parents’ house. He was still overwhelmingly worried about Saba as she hadn’t spoken a word even after she woke up that morning. She hardly had anything for her breakfast despite his incessant requests. She had gone back to the room so Zayaan decided to give her space until she can pull herself together.

He’d set out from the house to go and meet Saba’s father but resolved to visit his parents first on the way. His mother’s last words from the call still rang in his head. The way she said take care of her while you can did sound more like a threat to him. He had tried hard to accept the fact that his parents have acknowledged Saba as their daughter-in-law, but their attitude had made it difficult for him to do so.

As Zayaan drove closer to his parents’ house, he was startled to see a white Audi coming out of the house. He looked at the number plate as it drove away and realized that it couldn’t have been any of his parents’ acquaintances that he knows of.

Zayaan parked the car in the portico of the house, still thinking about the car that just left. He was surprised to see his mother standing at the door as though she was seeing that person off. He saw the alarm on her face as her sight caught his car and even more so when he got out of the car.

“Zayaan! What an unexpected visit!” his mother exclaimed as he walked towards her.

“Who just left in that car?” he asked.

“Oh…that was just a friend of mine. She was giving me ideas on how to run the café…. did you come alone? Where is Saba?” she said, successfully covering her nervousness and diverting the conversation.

“Saba…. she is at home.” Zayaan was only able to say so much as he knew what was coming. He knew whatever he said would lead to his mother criticizing Saba in one way or another.

“Oh…. did she pick a fight with you?” Zeenath spoke in a way as was expected of her.

“No…mom. Why would you put it that way? Saba would be the last person to start a fight.” Zayaan felt a rush of anger inside him that stopped him from going into the house.

“She might be so if she married a person of her own race. Two people of different races cannot be compatible, son. This was what we were trying to tell you, son. But I guess it’s too late now that we accepted her.” she spoke casually as though she already had the upper hand in the conversation.

“For the millionth time, mom! You are wrong. Two people become compatible because of their thinking, beliefs, and opinions. Not their race or skin colour! If you do accept Saba as your family, please act like it. Because this pretention is harder than you admitting that you don’t accept her….. I don’t even know why I came to you anymore. I thought maybe, just maybe I could come to my mom to seek some advice on how I could help my wife. But I guess that isn’t possible for me to do….” Zayaan said, in a calm voice despite his anger. His hurt had overcome his rage at that point as he realized just how distant his mom was from him.

Just like that, Zayaan parted ways with his mom with a sadness tightening his chest. He made dua that his mom would change her ways, not realizing she was making plans even then as she stood at the door, seeing him drive away.

Half an hour later Zayaan was knocking the door at Sameer’s house. After a few minutes, Hamadh opened the door and welcomed Zayaan with all smiles. Zayaan was too overwhelmed that day that he forgot to buy Hamadh a gift like he always does during his visits.

“It’s okay Uncle Zayaan. We all forget. Like how I forgot to water the plants last night. Thank goodness sissy did not call me to ask about it. That was very unlike her. Is she sick or something, uncle?” Hamadh spoke as he went after Zayaan who sat on the sofa in the living room.

“Yeah. She is not doing so well, Hamadh.” Zayaan said, as he took out his phone and searched for a picture in his gallery.

“Oh! What happened to her?” Hamadh asked worriedly.

“Will explain in a little bit. But tell me this Hamadh. Do you happen to know who this woman is?” Zayaan asked as he showed a picture of a photo frame from his phone. It was a frame that he found in the room and later realized Saba was looking at it the whole time she was in there.

Hamadh came closer took an intent look at the photo.

“Didn’t sissy tell you uncle? This is sissy’s mom… who was killed by one of her brothers.”

The words Hamadh said in his innocent little voice left Zayaan staggered.

May 12 2021

“Saba…”

She froze as she realized it was a voice from years ago. A voice that was close to her, but she hadn’t heard in forever. She hesitantly turned back to see who it was, and her eyes grew wide, and she saw his face.

The man was a few inches taller than Saba as he stood in front of her. He wore a thick green jacket that was zipped half-way from the front along with black jeans. His face wrinkled as he smiled with a smile that was scary because of the ‘gangster’ look he carried along with the tattoo that was showing on one side of his neck along with the cap on his head that was probably worn to hide his face from the authorities.

“What are you doing here?” Saba could barely get her voice out as she asked.

“To see my beloved sissy of course!” the man said, taking a step closer to Saba. Saba instinctively took a step back with a gasp.

The man laughed in mockery as he saw the fear on Saba’s face. Saba looked at him, with an attempt to stay strong.

“I see that my sissy is still the same. Timid as ever. If you were going to be like this why make our lives difficult?”

Saba furrowed her eyebrows with what she was just asked. She would have asked a question if her mind wasn’t in complete chaos due to the shock. The shock of seeing her youngest brother after all those years. She almost worked her way out of the astonishment to address the curiosity that just sparked in her with the question her brother Sinaah had asked. But he spoke again before she could.

“Tell your freaking husband to stop publishing the damn articles about us!” his expression and tone of voice transformed in a split second. Saba had a moment of realization as she comprehended the words he said while looking at his angry face and gritting teeth. She remembered the picture of her eldest brother on a newspaper Zayaan had kept on the dining table. She was taken aback by the picture. For a split second she thought of telling Zayaan that the news was about her brother. But she couldn’t bring herself to.

“Will you tell him or not?!” Sinaah said, raising his voice a little while at the same time giving a glance to either sides.

Saba furrowed her eyebrows.

“No!” she ended up saying. If these circumstances would help her brothers reflect on the crimes they are doing, she would take this chance. But things didn’t go as she imagined.

With the next blink of her eyes, her brother grabbed her by the hand and dragged her.

“What are…” her mouth was covered by a hand.

“One more word woman and I will be forgetting that you are my sister.” Sinaah said in a hushed angry voice as he made eye contact with Saba. With the rush of fear causing a tremble in her heart, Saba was unable to say anything even after the hand was taken away from her mouth. She walked behind her brother, trying her best to keep herself upright with her currently wobbling legs.

It was the same, even after so many years. She was reminded of every moment of abuse she suffered at the hand of her brothers. The beating and bruises she suffered through. The lonely nights of crying all by herself. Sinaah was the only brother she could at least have the courage to face. If she had seen one of her other brothers, she would have lost her consciousness by now and would have compelled her to meet a psychiatrist. But it took one moment of harshness even from Sinaah for her to start having vivid flashbacks of the past.

Saba was so lost in thoughts that she didn’t even realize that Sinaah had taken her out of the mall. She found herself being pushed towards a car with a thud and only then did she realize that they were in the dim lights of the parking lot.

“You know what we can do to you and your so-called journalist husband. You better have him take those articles down or have him lose the job. Whatever he does, he shouldn’t be against us! And don’t even think of saying no again. You realize what that ‘no’ had done to our mom don’t you?”

Sinaah said.

Saba was silent. Her sight blurred with tears as she kept her eyes fixated on the shoes of the man standing in front of her. A tear came rolling down on her left cheek as she thought about the words she had just heard. The scene that dominated her imagination caused a deep pain in her chest that made it hard for her to breath.

Just then, footsteps of a man running in the parking lot took Sinaah by surprise. He looked in the direction to see a shadow of a man approaching them and his temper raised. He looked back and forth from the shadow to Saba and then decided it would be best to leave. So, he took long steps away from Saba, trying his best to be discreet and hid himself in a dark area of the parking lot while Saba stood where she was without moving an inch.

“S…Saba!” she heard Zayaan’s voice at a distance. The concern in his voice compelled her to look in that direction. She saw him approaching her and she couldn’t help but imagine the worst thing that could happen. Her eyes welled up with fresh tears as she remembered the happiness that she shared with Zayaan. She recalled how he had chosen her boldly and unapologetically. Would it be selfish of her if she stayed with him a little more, while knowing the harm she could cause him? Saba thought.

“Gosh I thought I would go crazy! I thought something happened to you. Why did you run off? Why didn’t you pick up the phone? If this was a joke you played, I hate it I tell you!” Zayaan stood right in front of her and spoke. But Saba could not give him as much of a glance. She trembled as she kept her hands across her chest, trying her best to forget about the pain.

“What happened, love? Did something happen while I was gone? Did someone say anything? Tell me all about it…” Zayaan said. Saba wished with all her heart she had the courage to answer those questions for Zayaan. But she simply couldn’t bring herself to as more of the tears came rolling down her cheeks.

“Don’t cry, darling! And tell me…if it was the Shamweel guy I swear I’m gonna rip him apart. I won’t tolerate let a single person hurting you in anyway.” Zayaan said in a firm voice.

Saba sobbed at those words, realizing just how much Zayaan wanted to protect her. It was him that needed to be protected now, Saba thought. She was almost about to say it when she burst into tears. Zayaan brought her into her arms and she immediately felt the warmth of his love. But that wasn’t enough to console her as she realized that she may have to leave that warmth, sooner or later.

Zayaan was at the balcony of his home in the countryside an hour later. He was lost in thought as he looked at the night sky.

Zayaan hadn’t asked Saba any questions after she had cried in the parking lot. He had the urge to keep asking questions even on the way back home but realized Saba wasn’t in a condition to talk. He thought she would tell him all about it once they were home, but she didn’t speak a word even afterwards.

Zayaan sighed, as he recalled how swollen her eyes were, even as she laid in bed to sleep. What must have gone wrong? Who could have she met? Why was she in the parking lot?

Zayaan’s phone rang as he tried hard to find answers to those questions. He sighed as he reached his jeans pocket to take his phone. He was a bit startled to see his mom’s name on the phone screen and then realized they were supposed to be at her place tonight.

“Salaam mom. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it tonight. Something came up and we had to come back home.” Zayaan received the call and spoke. He was painstakingly expecting his mother to criticize Saba. However, what came next was unexpected.

“Oh, it’s completely fine! How is Saba? Is she doing okay?” his mother asked out of the blue.

“Sh…She is a bit unwell.” Zayaan said nervously.

“I see…. take care of her while you can. You may not know what might happen tomorrow. Good night Zayaan!” his mother said, and the phone clicked before he could say a word.

Zayaan suspiciously looked at his phone as he tried to make sense of what his mother said and what had happened tonight.

May 12 2021

Saba turned the corner of her dark green hijab to place it on the right side of her head to put the last pin on that shawl. It was 8:00 PM at night and she was looking at herself in the full length mirror as she readied herself to visit Zayaan’s parents. Just as she was about to turn around, she felt loving hands surrounding her from underneath her arms across her abdomen. She smiled as she smelled his scent and felt his chin resting on her shoulder.

“Look who’s all dressed up to be so beautiful!” Zayaan said as he looked at both of them in the mirror before kissing her on the cheek. Saba closed her eyes as her smile grew even deeper. Gone were the days where she questioned her looks. She was now more confident than she ever was in her whole life. She felt loved for who she was and her heart was now fully healed. She often looked back at how she’d reached this point with the man who stood beside her. She remembered how she doubted if she would ever be able to have a healthy relationship again. She thought about how sure she was of suffering from lack of love and compassion even if she got into another relationship. She recollected how she was getting overly attached with Zayaan to the point she was thinking about him even in salaah and thought it could never be a healthy attachment.

But Zayaan changed all of her perspectives all together. He showed her what a man does when he truly loves and cares about a woman. He showed her that its possible for that love not to run out. He made her realize that her unhealthy attachment even to him, was because of her unhealed heart and because of her lack of remembrance in Allah. He was the one who helped her pick up the pieces of her broken heart and fix it by reminding her of the Love of Allah. And by constantly helping her in getting that Love. She’d thought that a love like that could only be found in stories until their marriage happened.

They exchanged words of love even in that moment before they headed out to go.

About 10 minutes into their drive, they’d reached the city and began to see tall buildings and shopping malls. Saba asked Zayaan to stop by a shop so that she could buy some gifts for his parents. Zayaan parked the car in the parking lot and they both walked to get into the fully lit 10 storey building. It didn’t occur to them that a motorcycle that was following them from the country side stopped by the shop just as they got in. The man on the motorcycle took off his helmet and looked at the couple going into the mall before getting off the motorcycle.

“Oh look! Raspberry cakes….mum likes them doesn’t she?” Saba said as she eyed the medium sized cakes in the showcase.

“She sure does….” Zayaan said, admiring Saba for her ability to remember the likes and dislikes of even those who hated her.

“They look so good. Can’t decide on which one to pick.” Saba said, not taking her eyes off the cakes.

“Well I’m gonna go look for something Dad might like while you pray istikhaara on which cake to choose.” Zayaan said. Saba gave him a look with narrowed eyes and he ended up laughing. And then he gave a squeeze to her hand that he held saying ‘I will be back’ with a smile. For some reason, he always ended up saying that whenever he went away from her. As though he’d always looked forward to being with her again even if he went away for a short while. Saba always felt loved when he said that and thus she smiled back, forgetting the short-lived grudge.

When Zayaan walked away, Saba went back to looking at the cakes in front of her. Just as she decided on which one to choose, she heard a heavy and familiar voice from the back.

“Saba…”

She froze as she realized it was a voice from years ago. A voice that was close to her but she hadn’t heard in forever. She hesitantly turned back to see who it was and her eyes grew wide and she saw his face.

Zayaan had a smile on his face as he walked his way back to the aisle with the cake showcase. He had a basket that had some of his dad’s favourite brand of assorted nuts and Saba’s favourite chocolate. He planned the right words to surprise her with as he reached the aisle but his smile faded as he didn’t find her there. His eyebrows furrowed as he realized he wasn’t away for so long and even if he was, Saba would find him before going to the counter on her own.

Zayaan quickly went to the counter area with his eyes wandering everywhere looking for her. But a rush of nervousness ran over his chest when he didn’t find her neither in the queue at the counter nor anywhere near there. He began talking to the cashier at the counter even before the man in front of him in the queue wasn’t done.

“Excuse me! Has my wife come to the counter just now? She wore a green scarf and a long black dress.” Zayaan asked, keeping his basket on the counter.

“I haven’t seen her I’m afraid.” the woman at the counter responded as she bagged the items of the customer in front of Zayaan. His nervousness grew with that answer and he went out of the queue to search for her not caring about his items on the counter.

He began pacing across and in between all the aisles on that floor as he dialed Saba’s number. He’d expected her to pick up the phone with the first ring but when the rings kept repeating themselves, a coldness engulfed in his chest. He kept ringing her over and over again as he felt his heart thumping against his chest with his breath falling short. He felt angry at her with the thought that this might be a joke she was playing on him. But felt more anxious than that, with the thought that something may have happened to her. He fought against that thought hard as it was intolerable for him to even imagine such a thing.

Once he was sure he was going around in circles in that floor, he thought of going to the next but then he noticed the main door of the mall. She may have gone out he thought as he headed out the door. With the urge to call her out loud, he was only able to let out a whisper as he still didn’t want to give up on the fact that she must be near. With his eyes wandering everywhere he headed to the parking lot with second thoughts of going back into the mall to search all the floors. He almost gave into those thoughts until he reached the parking lot to see her looking down while leaning against his car as though she didn’t have the energy to stand straight.

“S…Saba!” he called out and his voice echoed in the parking lot. She turned her head to see him but stayed as she did.

“Gosh I thought I would go crazy! I thought something happened to you. Why did you run off? Why didn’t you pick up the phone? If this was some kind of joke you played I hate it I tell ya!” Zayaan said as he walked up to her with a hint of rage in his voice. It was then that he saw the sadness on her face as he looked close. Her eyes were teary as they looked up at him and she trembled as she kept her hands across her chest.

“What happened, love? Did something happen while I was gone? Did someone say anything? Tell me all about it…” Zayaan asked as he held her face with both hands. His heart ached as he saw tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Don’t cry, darling! And tell me…if it was the Shamweel guy I swear I’m gonna rip him apart. I won’t tolerate let a single person hurting you in anyway.” Zayaan said, with his emotions getting the best of him as he saw the one he loved the most in pain. He felt his heart twist with pain as he heard her first sob. When she began to cry he brought her in his arms, placing her head on his chest. Her hands tightly held his shirt from the back as he felt her tears on his chest. He lovingly caressed her hair as he wanted her to know that he cared, though he didn’t know what was wrong. He desperately wanted to ask her even more but realized he wouldn’t be getting the answers in that moment. And more so because even he needed the embrace, to escape the feeling that he’d just had. The feeling that he’d lost the love of his life.

May 12 2021

Zayaan squeezed his eyes and the light of the sun beamed across his eyes. It took a few seconds for him to open his eyes narrowly to see the white ceiling above. A smile spread across his face as it usually happened over the past few weeks as he realized just how happy he was about his life. He turned his head to the right, in hope of seeing the root of his happiness lying next to him. His smile faded the moment he saw the other half of his bed empty and sat upright. Though he knew she would be somewhere around the house, he felt the need to see her first thing in the morning.

So he got off his bed with the dark brown shirt and beige slacks that he wore for Fajr and got out of the room. It was not the house he shared with his parents nor was it Uncle Sameer’s house. It was a completely new home that they moved into just a couple of weeks after their marriage. Zayaan got out of his room into a small yet cozy living room with spongy sofas, a television and a fireplace. The whole house had wooden walls and dark brown flooring that made it appear even cozier.

Zayaan headed in towards the left, hearing the sound of the water hose. Within a few seconds, he stood at the door that lead to the backyard and leaned against the door to look at his wife tendering the garden that she nurtured there since the first day they moved in. She brought life to everything she took care of, Zayaan thought as he looked at her dreamily despite how she’d worn one of his blue sweatshirts and white loose pants and she had a loose pony tail with some hair untied from either sides.

He remembered how their relationship had progressed after their marriage. He’d always thought life would get burdensome and boring with responsibilities after marriage. Never had he been so wrong. In their marriage, they both made a conscious effort to make each other happy even on tough days. Because even after the nikah was signed, they talked to each other about how they need to love each other and take care of one another if they wanted the love of Allah. And it was as though they were competing with one another in gaining Allah’s Love. With everything he did for her, she did something for him and vice versa. They’d plan date nights and picnics just to get to know one another to love each other better. The more he got to know her, the more he fell in love with her. He realized how compassionate, gentle and patient she was. On days he would come back home tired and say something in frustration, she wouldn’t answer back, rather she would lovingly ask him what was wrong and it would melt him every single time. Whenever he had too much to do, she would be sure to be with him and see if she could be of any help to him. Whenever he was disappointed about anything, she somehow always had the right words to say. He wasn’t sure if he could ever love her the same way but he was trying his best to imitate those gestures of love that had made him feel loved like never before. He no longer felt lonely or exhausted from one-sided conversations. Rather his heart was always comforted and at peace in her presence.

He felt the same way even at that moment as she caught his eyes and showed the smile that made him weak in the knees. She always made him want to thank Allah for keeping her in his life.

“Morning! I set the breakfast but thought of having it with you. Do you realize how lonely I feel to have a meal on my own these days? Guess my husband doesn’t care about me as much.” Saba made a sarcastic comment as she sighed and shook her head. Zayaan laughed lightly at that as he began to walk towards her.

“Well you should have stayed in bed longer then. Do you realize how anxious I feel to wake up alone these days? Guess my wife doesn’t care about me as much.” he used the similar line of sarcasm as he walked up to her and stood right next to her.

“Hmm….I think we both need to do something to undo this carelessness.” she said turning the knob of the hose to stop the water and leaving it to the ground. And within a split second, she raised her heels and kissed him on the cheek. She blushed and bit her lower lip as she looked down. He looked at her with a smile before taking her face in his hand to return her kiss. He pressed his forehead against hers for a few seconds even after the kiss. Just having her close to him made feel like he had all the happiness the world could offer.

“I love you.” he said those words, meaning them from the very depth of his heart as though it was the first time he was saying it.

“I love you too, love.” she responded, as their embrace turned into a warm hug. Zayaan could have stayed in that embrace forever if she’d let him but Saba moved away from him as she spoke.

“Zayaan, I was thinking that we should visit your parents sometime tonight. It has been a while since the last time I saw them.” she said as he took her untied hair on one side to tuck it behind her ear. His smile faded by what she said.

“Saba….I know you’re worried that I may not be visiting my parents because of you. But trust me, I am. I visited them twice last week. They are doing well.”

“I know, Zayaan. But I was thinking that I should try to build a relationship with them too. I feel like I must do something better for them to like me.”

“Oh trust me Saba. There is nothing you can do in this matter. It’s just them.”

“Even then, Zayaan, I feel the need to visit them. Could we perhaps go this weekend? Let’s have the celebration of you becoming a senior editor with them.” Saba said, with a twinkle of hope in her eyes. Zayaan sighed as he looked into them. He’d taken Saba out of that house into the home they were living now for that very reason. Despite how his mother had said that he can make whatever decision he liked, they didn’t treat Saba with the respect he’d expected them to give. He couldn’t get himself to ignore the looks they were giving her, the mockery they were chattering away in whispers and how they were just pretending to be nice to her by showing tight smiles and having condescending conversations. He’d moved out with her as he knew he didn’t have the patience to see his wife being treated that way right in front of his own eyes, though she was showing her patience.

Zayaan looked at her pleading eyes for a moment before nodding with a light smile as he wanted to do what will make her happy. In return she smiled and thanked him before hugging him once again.

“Are you sure the one who exposed our brother’s mission lives in this city?” said a man with a huge built standing near a large window overlooking the landscape of a city in New Zealand.

“Yes….he seems to be a senior editor of that channel according to this article. He has given an interview on the front page of the last edition of the channel’s newspaper.” said a younger looking man sitting on a couch right behind the man standing at the window. He was holding the MCN’s newspaper.

“What’s his name?”

“His name is Zayaan Farooq. It says that he stands up for justice no matter what happens and he says the truth despite what might come his way.” the man on the couch read from the newspaper and the one standing at the window chuckled, having a sip of drink from the glass in his hand.

“It also says he used to live in this city. But now apparently lives in a rental house in the country side with his wife. He is married to a Nigerian woman named….S..Saba Sameer.” the man stumbled as he came across that name while his ‘brother’ stood stunned at those words. Within a few seconds, the big man’s hand which held the glass became tightened and eventually the glass broke into his black hand.

May 12 2021

“As empty as you must have felt that day Saba, I promise to never make you feel that way. I won’t be one to run away and I won’t be one to deceive you. Neither will I be one to treat you like an option. You will always be my priority.” Zayaan said.

“Zayaan….” Saba was about to say something not knowing what to make of what she was hearing when he spoke again.

“Will you marry me, Saba?” Zayaan said and Saba felt as though that moment came to a halt. It took her a while to even grasp what she’d just heard. As she looked at him unable to waver her eyes away from him, his lips curved into a light smile.

“Should I consider the silence as a yes?” he asked with that smile never fading away. Just then, Saba came to her right mind as she spoke.

“Are you sure you gave it enough thought?” Saba asked as she found it hard to believe that she’d said those words when a man had proposed her for the first time in her life. It made her realize just how insecure she was.

“Um yes….I’m pretty sure. In fact I prayed istikhaara before I came here and was glad that your Dad accepted me quite readily.” he said as he put his hands in his pockets as the light wind played with his hair.

“But…but this is just so sudden.” Saba was still as unsure as ever.

“Why? You don’t happen to like me?” Zayaan asked, doubting himself all of a sudden.

“No I like you but…” Saba’s words caught in her throat as she realized what she’d just said. Her cheeks reddened as she looked at him with widened eyes. Zayaan laughed lightly.

“But what, Saba?” he asked. Saba looked down and sighed.

“It’s just that…..I thought you would want to know me better before speaking of a marriage.” she said, remembering the words of her ex-boyfriend. She’d never wanted to date him. The day Shamweel told her that he liked her, she’d told him to talk to her father and he’d refused. We must know each other better if we don’t want to have regrets in life was what he said.

“Know you better? Here is what I know. You are an honest girl who respects her father and takes care of him. You are kind to the needy and poor. You are good with children. You know Islam better than I do and even teach it in a beautiful way. Isn’t this more than enough for me to want to spend the rest of my life with you? Cowards are the ones who fail to commit when they see a girl they like. I used to be one of them too. But not anymore. And I’m glad it’s you when I’d come to this realization. We both know where this is going, Saba. Wouldn’t you rather have our love grow in a way that pleases Allah?” Zayaan asked, with a million emotions in his eyes as he looked at Saba.

Saba’s eyes twinkled with tears as she heard those words. Her heart trembled as she realized that those were the very words she was craving for throughout her past relationship. She wanted the one she loved to stop her from going into the dating scene. To stop her from lying to her father. To stop her from doing anything displeasing to Allah. But it was never meant to be the person she’d dated then. It was meant to be the man standing in front of her, with firmness in his voice that reassured her like never before.

A tear fell from her eyes as she nodded as an answer to his last question. Then again he gave her a smile, which had a warmth that melt the last bit of cold left within her chest.

“Mom, Dad….I have something to tell you.”

Zayaan said those words as he sat at the dining table at their home for dinner. His mother barely glanced at him while his father’s eyes remained fixed on his phone as he typed away a reply to a text that he got a minute ago.

Zayaan sighed as he looked down with the usual exhaustion he felt from the distance his parents were keeping from him. For a moment he even thought to himself that he might not as well tell them anything but that simply didn’t feel right. Hence he spoke.

“I’m getting married.” Zayaan said, fixing his gaze to one spot. At once, both his parents looked at him in unison.

“Who is she?” Zeenath asked as though that was her only worry at that point.

“She’s an amazing woman. She’s kind, intelligent and hardworking. I proposed to her today.” Zayaan said with a slight smile as he felt comfort in being able to make a conversation with his parents in a long time.

“Where is she from?” Farooq asked and at once, Zayaan’s smile faded as he dreaded that question. Is that important? He had an urge to ask. But he didn’t, as he didn’t want to be the least bit rude with his parents.

“She is from Nigeria but lives and studies here.” Zayaan said and his mother chuckled, even before he completed the sentence.

“Nigeria? Must be a black beggar then!” his mother said which made him clench his fists.

“I know right?! I wonder how they even manage to live in a sophisticated city like this. They must have lived in the ghettos. And you want to marry her? Bring a girl like that into our family?” Farooq said, almost fuming in his anger.

“I don’t see why you see that as an issue. Status does not come from money or a skin colour does it, Dad? Status comes from being in obedience to Allah and His Messenger (SAW). And I see that in Saba, Mom. She was the one who taught me how to live a life to seek the Love of Allah and that’s the best thing that has ever happened to me!” Zayaan said with eyes full of joy and yet his parents weren’t moved in the least bit.

“I see, so it was the girl who brainwashed you to rebel against us. All the more reason that she is undoubtedly going to bring trouble.” Farooq said.

“Dad that’s not the case!”

“Enough arguing! This is not even a matter to quarrel about when the decision is so clear.” said his mother.

“Yes…and the decision is I am going to marry her. I’m not going to go back on my word.” Zayaan said, with a look that told both people at the table that nothing was going to change his mind.

With that, he left the table without even finishing his dinner.

A couple of weeks later Zayaan was standing at the lake in front of Saba’s house with black suit, white shirt and black trousers. He turned around as Uncle Sameer called out his name and he saw his bride, being herself in a simple black abaya with a few layers of lace and a beautiful smile on her face that reached her eyes. He’d seen that smile of hers for the first time that day, and he’d assumed he was going to see that smile for the rest of his life. It felt like a scene out of a dream as they both sat next to one another with the not so hot evening sunshine with greenery surrounding them while hearing the khutbah of the nikah. They both promised in each other’s heart that they were not going to leave one another, neither in health nor in sickness. That they will be by each other’s side no matter what happens. That they will be the coolness of each other’s eyes just like the last ayah they studied together at the orphanage.

Zayaan accepted Saba as his wife and he felt tears in his eyes as he did. He never felt so deeply about a woman as he did at that moment. He never felt so sure about a woman as he was about the one sitting next to him. When he turned to see her, she looked at him with those same tears of happiness. They’d held each other’s hands as they smiled at one another.

Uncle Sameer had arranged a small party at the house with the neighbors in that area. Zayaan’s parents chose not to attend the wedding but he wasn’t too worried about it. He’d hesitated to bring Saba into his life after the conversation he’d had with his parents. But what his mother said a couple of days later consoled him.

It’s actually okay, son. You have the right to marry whoever you like. Your father will eventually come around. So you go ahead and do what you like. I will be looking at you from a distance until your father is convinced.

Zayaan almost jumped of joy at those words. He’d hugged his mom as he thanked her. Little did he know what she had in mind as she said those words.

May 12 2021

Zayaan stood at the window of his new cabin as he stared out the large window lost in deep thought. His mind was wrapped up with the words he’d heard last from Saba when he’d gone to her house about a week ago.

“No Dad you wouldn’t! Maybe….just maybe he likes me because I give those advices. But that doesn’t mean he could just marry me. What if you ask him and he isn’t able to refuse just because it’s from a good family? I don’t want him to marry me when he wouldn’t even like how I look like. I don’t want to force such a thing on him. He could get any beautiful girl that he likes any day. I don’t want to ruin his life, Dad.”

He was about to knock on the door as he’d heard those words. He’d come back as he kept thinking about her as he was driving. He was imagining the look on her father’s face and the nervousness he saw from her back and forth. He kept making up scenes of how her father might make her cry and the thought tightened his chest. He began to regret leaving without having said a word that could have stopped that from happening and before he knew it, Zayaan had found himself making a U-turn.

But what he heard as he stood at the door was completely out of the league from what he’d expected. Uncle Sameer’s thoughts at the moment he saw them together were clear to Zayaan from Saba’s words. He felt a pang of pain in his chest as he heard the shakiness in her voice. When she’d said I don’t want to ruin his life.

It was at that moment that he felt a kind of love that he’d never felt before. A selfless love that wishes nothing but the best for him. And it was at that moment he realized that it was always there all this time though he never noticed it. He’d remembered all the conversations they’d had, the moments they laughed together and how willing she always was to help him with anything. And it wasn’t just her either. Even he’d had reciprocated that love, knowingly or unknowingly. His thoughts went back to how he’d taken her picture almost subconsciously, how he went out of his way to fulfill her request of deleting the picture while still keeping it safe, how he’d arranged an entire dinner just to see her smile and how he’d always wanted to see her and not want their meetings to end lately.

Zayaan exhaled through his mouth as he knew he had to make a decision. Firmness took over his face as he made up his mind on what to do.

Saba sat in one of her classes for that day, scribbling on the book lazily as she heard the monotone voice of the professor. She wasn’t sure what he was talking about and neither was she sure about what she was writing. As she sat back to see what she wrote within the past hour into that class, she’d written only the topic along with 3 short points under it. Saba sighed as she realized she wasn’t being herself that day. It had been that way for over the past week. Ever since Zayaan had overheard the conversation she’d had with her father.

After a moment of silence that occurred after she’d made it clear to her father that she didn’t want to propose to Zayaan, they’d heard a knock on the door. Saba looked at that door with a startle and a heart that began to race as she realized that the knock was familiar. Her father had waited for her to go and open the door but her feet refused to go in that direction. When she didn’t move her father walked to the door to find the man Saba was sure he was.

Did he hear us just now? Saba’s mind got preoccupied with the question as she looked at Zayaan entering the house. Her hands turned cold as he looked to her father and then fixed his eyes on her. She begged her fate to not let him have heard the words he’d just said. His face told her quite the opposite as he looked at her with an expression she found hard to comprehend. Was it sympathy in his eyes? Or was it something more than that? Saba found it hard to assure.

“What is it, son? Did you leave anything here?” her father had broken the silence. “Um….yes! Saba told me she would give me one of her flower pots. I was thinking if I could get one tonight.” he’d said as though those weren’t the words he was intending to say. Saba looked at him for a moment in wonder until her father told her to get what he was asking for. She immediately went in to get a flower pot and came back to give it to Zayaan.

Saba closed her eyes as she remembered that moment. The look he had even as she’d handed him the pot. She wondered if that was the look her father had talked about. But there was something different that night, and that difference made her close to sure that he’d heard the words she desperately wanted him not to. She was surer about it from how he hadn’t showed up to the orphanage in the entire week that passed.

The more aware she became of his absence, the more apprehensive she became. What must he think of her now? He mustn’t have come across a girl who spoke of marriage when they’d just met for a few months. Given his looks, he must have dated girls before. He must think she was crazy to even think of him in a romantic sense. He must not want to even see her anymore.

The bell rang as that realization dawned upon her. That was it. The only reason he wasn’t even showing up at the orphanage was that he didn’t want to see her. Why would anyone want to see someone like her anyway? Saba closed her eyes and slowly breathed out. It was okay, she’d told herself. At the end of the day she didn’t see herself fit to be with someone like Zayaan anyway. And the only reason he must be away from her is because it was for the best. Over the past few days, she’d learned to accept that as she knows that Allah is no doubt the Most Loving and He is the only One Who Knows what is best for her. So instead of complaining, she decided to move on, no matter how hard it might be.

Little did she know that she was viewing Zayaan based on her past. Little did she know that just because she came across someone who looked down upon her before, didn’t mean that every person was bound to be the same. Little did she know that she was about to know that on that very day once she reached home. But she decided to do some extra hours of work at the library before she went home in order to immerse herself in work so that hopefully her thoughts would align better than they already have.

It was a little more than half past 4 when Saba got off the bus stop which was 3 blocks away from her home. She walked casually on the side of the street as the bus drove past her. She was looking at its direction as it did and thus it passed from her sight to reveal the clear sky of that evening. The sky had a yellowish orange color with thin strands of clouds here and there. The sun was on its way to set and thus the brightness of the day was dimming by the minute. This used to be was one of Saba’s favorite times in spring. She loved the evenings that weren’t so bright and neither too dim with yellow and clear skies. She especially liked how small dandelions had grown on the large span of grass patch right in front of her house. She used to go there every evening and just sit there with a good book. It was her ultimate escape.

But that very place became a place of misery 6 months ago, when she’d waited in that spot near the lake for whom she thought was the ‘love of her life.’ She thought that would become the happiest day of her life as she wore the wedding dress of his choice. She’d stood there waiting for him until her feet gave up on her and she fell on her knees.

Saba felt tears in her eyes as she remembered that day but quickly blinked telling herself that she was no longer going to live in her past. She swiftly looked away from the lake area like she always did. But just then, she was compelled to look in that direction as she thought she saw someone there. And there was a man, standing nearby the lake facing it. He wore a casual white shirt and blue jeans. His broad shoulders and well-built figure along with the sleeves that were rolled up to his elbow reminded her of someone. With a rush that overcame her heart, she looked to the front to see a black Tesla parked in front of her house and she was sure of her intuition. But why was he here? Saba fastened her pace as she thought about the question and ran up the pouch to directly open the door of her house without even the thought of knocking. Her father had left the door open at the time and she found him in the living room, reading a book to in the living room.

“Assalaamu’alaikum darling!” his father said in a joyful voice.

“Dad what is he doing here?”

“First off, it’s important to respond to salaam. Second, I think he would be able to answer that question.”

“Did he tell you anything?”

“Yes we did have a bit of a conversation and I’d told him the story of how you were about to get married to an absolute brat when he’d asked me.”

“Dad WHY did you have…..wait, he asked you?”

“Sure did….he’s been standing there ever since I told him the story. I’d told him to get into the house thrice in the past hour but he refused to move. He is waiting for you actually. He went there when I’d said you would be back by 3:30 but you came a bit late…”

“I….I was doing some extra hours at the library. Why didn’t you call me, Dad?”

“He clearly told me not to tell you as he wanted to take you by surprise. He has something to tell you. Why don’t you go and have a talk with him?”

Saba was surprised by how coolly her father was telling her that. That too with a smile. Something was going on behind her back and she didn’t have the tiniest of hint of what it could be. So she immediately turned her back to her father to go out of the house to see Zayaan from the far end of her sight. She waited for a moment and then walked to cross the street in a fast pace as though she was in a rush to know what was going on. But her pace slowed down automatically as she walked nearer to him from behind. He turned to see her when she was just a few steps away from him and she froze in her tracks.

“Hi!” Zayaan said, turning to her with a smile.

“H..hi!” Saba stuttered as she felt short of breath.

“I was waiting for you.” Zayaan said. Why?! Saba wanted to ask.

“Heard that from Dad.” she ended up saying. Zayaan smiled.

“He told me about how you’d waited for your fiancé here. So I thought of staying here to see how you must have felt.” he said. Saba stared at him in awe, not knowing what to say. Nobody had ever tried to see things from her perspective to that level, until today. She was beginning to think if she was dreaming until he spoke again.

“Zayaan….” Saba was about to say something not knowing what to make of what she was hearing when he spoke again.

“Will you marry me, Saba?” Zayaan said and Saba felt as though that moment came to a halt.

May 12 2021

Saba walked back and forth in her room with her hands crossed across her chest as she continually replayed the scene from about half an hour ago. She kept remembering how Hamadh had read the ‘speech’ and he let everyone know that she was the one who meant it to be heard by Zayaan. Zayaan knowing it was more than enough to fill her head with anxiety but her Dad knowing it along with him was driving her nuts. You okay, son? her Dad had asked Zayaan after a moment of silence, clearly pretending to ignore the fact that his daughter had written that message and planning to talk to her later. I’m okay, uncle. It was a beautiful message indeed. Just what I needed to hear.

Saba could not help but stop in her tracks and narrow her eyes even as she remembered how he’d said it. Though his compliment made her feel butterflies in her stomach, the fact that her father’s imagination would run wild made her want to vomit those butterflies out. If only her father wasn’t obsessed with the idea of her marriage. If only she hadn’t gone through a heartbreak that made her father that way. If only she could be sure her father won’t say something along the lines of a marriage even that night before Zayaan left.

But she wasn’t sure. That was one of the reasons why she’d locked herself up in her room. She dearly hoped that her father would forget about all of it with other conversations and he wouldn’t think about it if she isn’t seen with Zayaan. Hence she planned to stay in her room until she was sure Zayaan was gone.

No longer had she sat on her bed to rest her tired feet that she heard a door open and close from the outside. Noticing how the direction from which the sound came, Saba figured that it must have been the main door. She looked at the time and calculated that it must have been a little over half an hour since Zayaan came. So he must have left just now, Saba concluded.

She unlocked the door of her room and opened it slowly just in case. She opened it fully as she noticed that there was no one in the living room. Assuming that her Dad and Hamadh must be doing the dishes in the kitchen, Saba went to the dining room to see if Hamadh finished his glass of milk. He would usually leave it when he goes to do the dishes saying that he would drink it later and then again would give an excuse to procrastinate on it.

As Saba got closer to the dining room, she heard Hamadh talking along cheerfully with the clinking of plates and running water. That furthered her assumption that Hamadh was doing the dishes with her father just as she saw Hamadh’s glass of milk on the dining table. Saba sighed and called out to him as she got out of the dining room.

“Yes sissy!” she heard Hamadh’s voice from the kitchen.

“Nah uh! You can butter me up AFTER you drink the…..” Saba’s voice came to a halt just as she entered the kitchen and saw someone else from the back in place of her father. Hamadh was the first to look at her, and then did the man in his casual blue shirt and slacks with his sleeves rolled up for the job he was doing.

“Yikes! I don’t think I’m going to survive this one Uncle Zayaan. I’ll go and drink my milk real quick and come back to help you.” Hamadh said.

“Okay!” Zayaan said with a light laugh. Hamadh smiled and kept the plate he wiped on the plate holder placed on the kitchen counter. Saba felt a rush to stop him as he made a run to go out the kitchen as she felt nervous even at the thought of being alone with the man there for even a moment. But couldn’t bring herself to do that mostly because she didn’t want to appear strange to the eyes that were looking at her. Their eyes locked for a brief moment after Hamadh went but Zayaan went back to the plates in the sink soon after. Though she wanted to get out of there so badly as she didn’t like how fast her heart was beating, it didn’t feel right to leave the guest to do the dishes. For heaven’s sake why was he even doing it? He should have left as soon as he was done having dinner, which was what he came for.

After a few seconds, Saba found herself mustering the courage to say something.

“Y….you really shouldn’t be doing this…” she said. She was surprised by how smoothly she was able to say anything without having a heart attack. Zayaan laughed lightly giving her a glance.

“I wasn’t intending to do this but Hamadh was in despair when dinner was over and you didn’t show up and Uncle Sameer headed out to get me a herbal medicine from a neighbor’s house. Hamadh said he was going to have to do all the dishes on his own as sissy must have fallen asleep. So I thought I would help. We should take any chance we get to do good anyway, shouldn’t we?” Zayaan said washing the plate in his hands and giving a smile with his last words.

“I wasn’t asleep…” Saba said as she walked up to him and stood next to him. She was expecting him to step away on his own, handing the job over to her. Instead, she found him handing her the plate he washed in order for her to wipe it off. She wanted to say that she will do the rest but couldn’t resist because of the smile she saw on his face. She found herself taking the plate from him to wiping it from the cloth left on the counter by Hamadh. She’d lost her mind at that point and there was nothing she could do, she told herself as she did the work assigned to her.

“Why do you need herbal medicine?” she ended up asking just a few seconds after they began working together.

“My father has frequent headaches and none of the pharmaceutical medicines seem to work on them. The only medicine that seemed to work was a herbal one that my mother got from the country side a few weeks ago. We ran out of it quite recently and weren’t able to find it from anywhere near we lived. Hence I asked your father and he said those plants are grown at the neighbor’s house. He was kind enough to go there at this time. I didn’t ask him I promise!”

“I know….so is everything okay between you and your parents?”

“Everything’s okay I guess….they don’t talk to me much. But I talk to them and interact with them. It just gets tiring to do that sometimes. Which is why I needed tonight’s reminder….I really liked the way you put it and you trained Hamadh well I must say…”

“Oh it wasn’t much, really! That boy is into speeches anyway, I didn’t have to do much.”

“You into speeches too….you are making a copy of yourself on that boy aren’t you? He says ‘like sissy’ in every other sentence. I do most things with my right hand like sissy. I say Bismillah before I start anything like sissy. I plant trees around the house like sissy. Which reminds me, the flowers in the backyard here smell like heaven. What kind are they?”

“Oh! They are Gardenias. You can take a pot if you like. They grow beautifully even indoors.”

“Seriously?! But when I asked Hamadh if he could gift one of those to me, he said that his sissy will tase anyone who would even dare touch them!”

Saba ended up laughing at the tone with which Zayaan said those words and so did he, along with her. It was then that Zayaan handed the last plate to her and he pulled out a napkin from the box nearby the sink to wipe his hands. Their eyes locked once again with all smiles and just then, Saba saw someone standing at the door of the kitchen. It was with the second glance that she realized it was her father and at once her smile faded as she felt chills across her chest. Seeing the change in Saba’s expression, Zayaan looked in the same direction to find Sameer standing there and something similar happened to him as well. Zayaan expected Uncle Sameer to flip out like any other conservative father he knew. But to the defiance of his belief, Uncle Sameer showed a light smile to them both before speaking.

“Here is the medicine you told me about, son. Be sure to give this to your father at least twice a day in warm water for about a week.” Sameer said, holding out the small paper bag he had.

“Thank you so much, uncle. This means a lot….I will get going now.” Zayaan walked up to Sameer with a smile as he took the bag. He gave a final glance from Saba to Sameer and he clearly felt the tension between them. He dearly hoped Saba wasn’t in trouble because of him. He even had the urge to say that nothing actually happened and whatever conversations were only initiated by him. But he left without saying anything as he thought it might make things worse.

When Zayaan left, Sameer looked at Saba for a while which made her lower her gaze in embarrassment. She knew for one thing that her father wouldn’t be scolding her. But at the same time, she knew she disappointed him. She should have held herself to a higher standard. And for violating her own standards, she needed to be put in her place. Little had she known that her father wasn’t as harsh in heart as she imagined him.

“Can we talk for a while after you put Hamadh to sleep, my dear?” Sameer said in a calm voice. Saba looked at his father who didn’t look angry at all. A few seconds later she nodded and said ‘yes’ in a whisper.

“Did you have dinner?”

That was the first question Saba was asked as she sat across from her father in the living room. It was about quarter an hour later since Zayaan left. She’d made Hamadh brush his teeth and change into his pyjamas and get in bed. She’d told him to say the dhikrs for sleeping before coming out of the room and letting her father know that she was there to have a conversation.

“No…I’ll be having something before I go to bed.” Saba said, looking down and not wanting to look at her father.

“Can’t believe I’m hearing that from a biology student! You the one telling me to have the meals at the same time every single day.” her father said in a lighter tone and that made Saba look at him. She saw him smiling at her.

“I….just don’t happen to have an appetite tonight…Dad.” Saba said.

“Why? Is it because you think I’m going to punish you somehow? Or is it because the man who came here was someone special?” Sameer asked as though he were a friend of Saba’s trying to help her work through her emotions. Stunned by the questions her father asked, she looked up at him again.

“Dad I-“

“I am going to ask a very simple question, Saba. Do you like Zayaan?”

“Dad! It’s not like that!

“Then what is it like, Saba? I’ve seen you both for the past few months. The way you look at him. The way you talk about the things he does at the orphanage. The way you praise him so often when you talk about him with Hamadh. The way you went out of your way to console him tonight. Is there any alternate explanation to these things, Saba?”

There was a moment of silence after that question. Saba sat silently as though she was processing her own emotions. After a short while, she spoke.

“Maybe that is true, Dad. Maybe I do like him. But I’m scared. I’m terrified of these emotions. What if the past repeats itself? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if the only reason I feel this way about him is because my heart has been in search of a replacement for my past relationship? What if I hurt him because of that? There are too many uncertainties, Dad. I can’t get through with this.” Saba said and just then she noticed from the corner of her eyes a light appearing from outside the window with the sound of a car. The light disappeared as the sound of the car faded and she assumed that it was just a car passing by the street.

“Well what if he does like you? I’ve seen the way he looks at you too Saba. The way he talks about you so respectfully. To be honest he is one decent and responsible boy. Especially after he made tawba. I wouldn’t mind asking him to marry yo-“

What she didn’t realize was that there was someone standing at the door of their house listening to that conversation.