Chapter Sixteen – Unwanted wish

Saba walked back and forth in her room with her hands crossed across her chest as she continually replayed the scene from about half an hour ago. She kept remembering how Hamadh had read the ‘speech’ and he let everyone know that she was the one who meant it to be heard by Zayaan. Zayaan knowing it was more than enough to fill her head with anxiety but her Dad knowing it along with him was driving her nuts. You okay, son? her Dad had asked Zayaan after a moment of silence, clearly pretending to ignore the fact that his daughter had written that message and planning to talk to her later. I’m okay, uncle. It was a beautiful message indeed. Just what I needed to hear.

Saba could not help but stop in her tracks and narrow her eyes even as she remembered how he’d said it. Though his compliment made her feel butterflies in her stomach, the fact that her father’s imagination would run wild made her want to vomit those butterflies out. If only her father wasn’t obsessed with the idea of her marriage. If only she hadn’t gone through a heartbreak that made her father that way. If only she could be sure her father won’t say something along the lines of a marriage even that night before Zayaan left.

But she wasn’t sure. That was one of the reasons why she’d locked herself up in her room. She dearly hoped that her father would forget about all of it with other conversations and he wouldn’t think about it if she isn’t seen with Zayaan. Hence she planned to stay in her room until she was sure Zayaan was gone.

No longer had she sat on her bed to rest her tired feet that she heard a door open and close from the outside. Noticing how the direction from which the sound came, Saba figured that it must have been the main door. She looked at the time and calculated that it must have been a little over half an hour since Zayaan came. So he must have left just now, Saba concluded.

She unlocked the door of her room and opened it slowly just in case. She opened it fully as she noticed that there was no one in the living room. Assuming that her Dad and Hamadh must be doing the dishes in the kitchen, Saba went to the dining room to see if Hamadh finished his glass of milk. He would usually leave it when he goes to do the dishes saying that he would drink it later and then again would give an excuse to procrastinate on it.

As Saba got closer to the dining room, she heard Hamadh talking along cheerfully with the clinking of plates and running water. That furthered her assumption that Hamadh was doing the dishes with her father just as she saw Hamadh’s glass of milk on the dining table. Saba sighed and called out to him as she got out of the dining room.

“Yes sissy!” she heard Hamadh’s voice from the kitchen.

“Nah uh! You can butter me up AFTER you drink the…..” Saba’s voice came to a halt just as she entered the kitchen and saw someone else from the back in place of her father. Hamadh was the first to look at her, and then did the man in his casual blue shirt and slacks with his sleeves rolled up for the job he was doing.

“Yikes! I don’t think I’m going to survive this one Uncle Zayaan. I’ll go and drink my milk real quick and come back to help you.” Hamadh said.

“Okay!” Zayaan said with a light laugh. Hamadh smiled and kept the plate he wiped on the plate holder placed on the kitchen counter. Saba felt a rush to stop him as he made a run to go out the kitchen as she felt nervous even at the thought of being alone with the man there for even a moment. But couldn’t bring herself to do that mostly because she didn’t want to appear strange to the eyes that were looking at her. Their eyes locked for a brief moment after Hamadh went but Zayaan went back to the plates in the sink soon after. Though she wanted to get out of there so badly as she didn’t like how fast her heart was beating, it didn’t feel right to leave the guest to do the dishes. For heaven’s sake why was he even doing it? He should have left as soon as he was done having dinner, which was what he came for.

After a few seconds, Saba found herself mustering the courage to say something.

“Y….you really shouldn’t be doing this…” she said. She was surprised by how smoothly she was able to say anything without having a heart attack. Zayaan laughed lightly giving her a glance.

“I wasn’t intending to do this but Hamadh was in despair when dinner was over and you didn’t show up and Uncle Sameer headed out to get me a herbal medicine from a neighbor’s house. Hamadh said he was going to have to do all the dishes on his own as sissy must have fallen asleep. So I thought I would help. We should take any chance we get to do good anyway, shouldn’t we?” Zayaan said washing the plate in his hands and giving a smile with his last words.

“I wasn’t asleep…” Saba said as she walked up to him and stood next to him. She was expecting him to step away on his own, handing the job over to her. Instead, she found him handing her the plate he washed in order for her to wipe it off. She wanted to say that she will do the rest but couldn’t resist because of the smile she saw on his face. She found herself taking the plate from him to wiping it from the cloth left on the counter by Hamadh. She’d lost her mind at that point and there was nothing she could do, she told herself as she did the work assigned to her.

“Why do you need herbal medicine?” she ended up asking just a few seconds after they began working together.

“My father has frequent headaches and none of the pharmaceutical medicines seem to work on them. The only medicine that seemed to work was a herbal one that my mother got from the country side a few weeks ago. We ran out of it quite recently and weren’t able to find it from anywhere near we lived. Hence I asked your father and he said those plants are grown at the neighbor’s house. He was kind enough to go there at this time. I didn’t ask him I promise!”

“I know….so is everything okay between you and your parents?”

“Everything’s okay I guess….they don’t talk to me much. But I talk to them and interact with them. It just gets tiring to do that sometimes. Which is why I needed tonight’s reminder….I really liked the way you put it and you trained Hamadh well I must say…”

“Oh it wasn’t much, really! That boy is into speeches anyway, I didn’t have to do much.”

“You into speeches too….you are making a copy of yourself on that boy aren’t you? He says ‘like sissy’ in every other sentence. I do most things with my right hand like sissy. I say Bismillah before I start anything like sissy. I plant trees around the house like sissy. Which reminds me, the flowers in the backyard here smell like heaven. What kind are they?”

“Oh! They are Gardenias. You can take a pot if you like. They grow beautifully even indoors.”

“Seriously?! But when I asked Hamadh if he could gift one of those to me, he said that his sissy will tase anyone who would even dare touch them!”

Saba ended up laughing at the tone with which Zayaan said those words and so did he, along with her. It was then that Zayaan handed the last plate to her and he pulled out a napkin from the box nearby the sink to wipe his hands. Their eyes locked once again with all smiles and just then, Saba saw someone standing at the door of the kitchen. It was with the second glance that she realized it was her father and at once her smile faded as she felt chills across her chest. Seeing the change in Saba’s expression, Zayaan looked in the same direction to find Sameer standing there and something similar happened to him as well. Zayaan expected Uncle Sameer to flip out like any other conservative father he knew. But to the defiance of his belief, Uncle Sameer showed a light smile to them both before speaking.

“Here is the medicine you told me about, son. Be sure to give this to your father at least twice a day in warm water for about a week.” Sameer said, holding out the small paper bag he had.

“Thank you so much, uncle. This means a lot….I will get going now.” Zayaan walked up to Sameer with a smile as he took the bag. He gave a final glance from Saba to Sameer and he clearly felt the tension between them. He dearly hoped Saba wasn’t in trouble because of him. He even had the urge to say that nothing actually happened and whatever conversations were only initiated by him. But he left without saying anything as he thought it might make things worse.

When Zayaan left, Sameer looked at Saba for a while which made her lower her gaze in embarrassment. She knew for one thing that her father wouldn’t be scolding her. But at the same time, she knew she disappointed him. She should have held herself to a higher standard. And for violating her own standards, she needed to be put in her place. Little had she known that her father wasn’t as harsh in heart as she imagined him.

“Can we talk for a while after you put Hamadh to sleep, my dear?” Sameer said in a calm voice. Saba looked at his father who didn’t look angry at all. A few seconds later she nodded and said ‘yes’ in a whisper.

**

“Did you have dinner?”

That was the first question Saba was asked as she sat across from her father in the living room. It was about quarter an hour later since Zayaan left. She’d made Hamadh brush his teeth and change into his pyjamas and get in bed. She’d told him to say the dhikrs for sleeping before coming out of the room and letting her father know that she was there to have a conversation.

“No…I’ll be having something before I go to bed.” Saba said, looking down and not wanting to look at her father.

“Can’t believe I’m hearing that from a biology student! You the one telling me to have the meals at the same time every single day.” her father said in a lighter tone and that made Saba look at him. She saw him smiling at her.

“I….just don’t happen to have an appetite tonight…Dad.” Saba said.

“Why? Is it because you think I’m going to punish you somehow? Or is it because the man who came here was someone special?” Sameer asked as though he were a friend of Saba’s trying to help her work through her emotions. Stunned by the questions her father asked, she looked up at him again.

“Dad I-“

“I am going to ask a very simple question, Saba. Do you like Zayaan?”

“Dad! It’s not like that!

“Then what is it like, Saba? I’ve seen you both for the past few months. The way you look at him. The way you talk about the things he does at the orphanage. The way you praise him so often when you talk about him with Hamadh. The way you went out of your way to console him tonight. Is there any alternate explanation to these things, Saba?”

There was a moment of silence after that question. Saba sat silently as though she was processing her own emotions. After a short while, she spoke.

“Maybe that is true, Dad. Maybe I do like him. But I’m scared. I’m terrified of these emotions. What if the past repeats itself? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if the only reason I feel this way about him is because my heart has been in search of a replacement for my past relationship? What if I hurt him because of that? There are too many uncertainties, Dad. I can’t get through with this.” Saba said and just then she noticed from the corner of her eyes a light appearing from outside the window with the sound of a car. The light disappeared as the sound of the car faded and she assumed that it was just a car passing by the street.

“Well what if he does like you? I’ve seen the way he looks at you too Saba. The way he talks about you so respectfully. To be honest he is one decent and responsible boy. Especially after he made tawba. I wouldn’t mind asking him to marry yo-“

“No Dad you wouldn’t! Maybe….just maybe he likes me because I give those advices. But that doesn’t mean he could just marry me. What if you ask him and he isn’t able to refuse just because it’s from a good family? I don’t want him to marry me when he wouldn’t even like how I look like. I don’t want to force such a thing on him. He could get any beautiful girl that he likes any day. I don’t want to ruin his life, Dad.” Saba’s eyes burnt with tears as she said those words.

What she didn’t realize was that there was someone standing at the door of their house listening to that conversation.