Chapter Thirty Two – Love in secrecy

Raphael’s thoughts rushed back to the present as he began to see snow falling on his windshield. He let out a sigh and took one last look at the house he saw on the other side of the street. He blinked and looked to the front while turning the key in the ignition. As soon as the car came to life, he changed the gear and drove the car onto the road, planning to meet his father the next day.

Alaya’s POV

That night when Alaya finally convinced herself to get to her bed, she still kept thinking about the conversation she’d had with Raphael. She kept remembering how she almost confessed to him and how he said that whatever happened was for the best. What could he have meant by that? Did he actually mean that it was best that he had left her? That he did not confess to her? So that he could eventually end up with a woman like Laana.

Alaya shook her head for the umpteenth time at that thought. She did not see any of it making any sense. And the fact that Raphael said that he trusts Allah’s plans for ‘both of them’ kept making her thoughts blurry. Could those words mean that Raphael still cared about her? But then why would he be married to Laana? Why would he pretend like he didn’t know her? Why?

Alaya kept going through the same mental exhaustion no matter how hard she tried to escape. As she thought of ‘escaping’, she remembered one of the advices that Raphael had given her in one of those moments she had.

“It’s just a low score on the test Alaya. Much worse could have happened. But I know how you might feel as someone striving for perfection….my Mama actually taught me what to do when I feel depressed. She told me to pray. And for some magical reason, it does work. You should try that too!” Raphael had told Alaya as they sat on the bench one day. Alaya had nodded at that but couldn’t bring herself to pray any extra prayer except for the 5 prayers that was obligated on her. She found those prayers as a burden. She couldn’t figure out how Raphael could have found peace in them.

She hadn’t figured it out, even after 10 years of hearing those words. So she found herself lying on her bed, trapped within her own thoughts and emotions. With that one memory of Raphael’s, a dozen others came rushing to her mind and she realized how much she had liked him. From his voice to the way he smiled to the way he carried himself and talked to her with politeness and respect. It became more and more impossible for Alaya to even think that she would find another man like him. And to think what she would do if she never got to have him in her life. That thought reminded her of her marriage to Layaan and Raphael’s marriage to Laana. Was this really the fate of their relationship? Were they supposed to be distant? A pain emerged in her chest as she thought that they might never reunite. She kept a hand on her chest finding it hard to believe. She thought this kind of heartbreak was only a thing described in stories. But there she was….living right through such heartbreak.

The whole night was restless for Alaya until just an hour before Fajr. As a result, she slept through even the Fajr alarm failing to realize that if there was one way her heart could have found rest, that was it.

The next morning, she woke up lazily around 10AM. As soon as she saw the clock and realized she hadn’t prayed Fajr, she rushed to freshen up and pray. After praying the Fajr in a flash just for the sake of it, she got out of her room as she felt her stomach growling. She had breakfast, while trying to build a relationship with Samantha, the housekeeper of the house who was making an omelet for her.

After a while since Alaya entered the dining room, both of them heard an old man’s voice.

“My son! My son….” it was the old man in the room, who was then again calling out his son, Alaya thought as she ate. But she paused as she thought about who that son was. Raphael! That’s Raphael’s father!! She has got to do something!

She immediately got up from her chair and got out of the dining room towards the bedroom’s corridor. As she got closer, he heard him saying something else more clearly.

“My son, don’t do this to yourself. I did not raise you for you to live like this. Don’t live with a person you don’t love…” the father cried in pain in his own language. Alaya stopped in her tracks as she heard that.

“He is throwing a tantrum again. I don’t even know his language so I don’t know how to communicate with him. Do you happen to know, ma’am?” Samantha asked from behind Alaya.

“Yeah I know. I think I can handle him. You could go for now.” Alaya said. Samantha obeyed respectfully and left. Alaya went near the room and paused. She hesitated as she heard the cries of an old man. She doubted whether or not she would be able to handle it. But she knew she wanted to help. And she wanted to know more. Especially after what she heard just now. So she turned the door knob and opened the door.

“My son, is that you?” the man asked as Alaya entered.

“No uncle….I’m just someone living in this house. You happen to need some help.” Alaya said, leaving the door open and walking into the room.

“Yes…I..I need to call my son. Could you help me?” the old man asked. Alaya sighed and looked down as she sat on the bed and realized that even she didn’t know Raphael’s number.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you to call him. But I think he’d be coming to visit you soon.” Alaya said with a smile.

“In Sha Allah he will. I’m hoping so….once he comes I will tell him that I don’t mind even if I have to die in the hands of those people. But he mustn’t give up on his business and the love of his life just for my sake.” Raphael’s father said. Alaya’s heart skipped a beat as she heart the last words.

“Love of his life?” Alaya asked in a whisper involuntarily. There were many things he wanted to know in what Raphael’s father said but that was the one thing she wanted to know at that moment.

“Yes…..you can’t imagine how much he loved her. After his mother passed away he usually shared his feelings with me….he told me how he met her in school. How he had liked her but never got to tell her about his feelings because he did not want to get her hurt by the ones who talked bad about him. He told me about how she moved to another country forever. And as he grew up, he would often tell me about how he would grow up and go find her once his business was successful. He’d tell me about how he would impress her father with his business and ask for her hand. He even began to build a small house in Cairo saying that one day he’d move there once he was with her. He spent hours growing taking care of a garden in that house saying that she liked flowers and greenery. He must love her a lot….” the father said, staring down sadly. Alaya’s eyes welled up without her knowing as she heard the father describing. Was all of this really true? Did Raphael never forget her? While all she did was try and go after every other man that she saw? Did she even deserve that kind of a love? Does Raphael deserve someone as reckless in love as her? Her eyes became more blurry with tears as she thought about it.

“But then he had to get married to that……” as Raphael’s father was going to say something angrily, both he and Alaya heard a voice.

“Baba…” it was Raphael, standing at the opened door.