The LOVE that cures loneliness!

Can your relationship with Allah heal your loneliness?

This is a question I have thought about for a long time. As someone who deals with frequent periods of loneliness, and therefore ends up finding lists of ways to deal with it, it was a question I seriously needed to consider.

For many years, I was literally doing everything to deal with my loneliness, based on the articles I read. From doing things I love, learning new skills, buying myself gifts, going the extra mile in taking care of myself, you name it. But there was this one thing in all of the articles that I wasn’t able to fulfil. And that was, ‘Focus on the connections that you do have’.

In all honesty, I always frowned at this point whenever I read it. Because during the moments that you feel lonely, that is the hardest thing to do. The very reason you feel loneliness is because you feel like there is no one you can connect with. That there is no one who can truly understand you if you opened up. In fact, you could reach out and its possible that your friends or family do not have the time to listen to you. Or that they do not give the kind of energy and effort that you need for consolation. Or even they are not in the mental state to be able to be there for you. And being a burden for them is the last thing you want to do. This scenario can happen even if you know deep down in your heart that you have loving family and friends.

That was the complaint I carried in my heart for a long time. How am I supposed to seek out the ‘connections I already have’ during those fragile moments of loneliness? Where I am stingy with my own emotions and I want the affection of other people who are possibly in an equally fragile state as I am? Should I skip that point about ‘connections’ in dealing with loneliness altogether? I always answered ‘yes’ to that question in my head. But I knew a connection was absolutely necessary if I was to overcome loneliness.

Then one day, I was listening to a lecture about doing small good deeds for Allah. And how small good deeds add up to improve our relationship with Allah. As I was listening to it, I thought to myself. Does it really take that little for me to connect with Allah? At that moment, I was reminded of a hadhith that I already knew, but struck me for the first time.

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Allah says: ‘I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’ “

 Sahih al-Bukhari 7405, Book 97, Hadith 34

Speak about the kind of effort and affection a lonely person needs! Speak about the connection and love loneliness asks for!

As I remembered the hadhith, it became all so clear to me. The ‘connection’ I should be seeking is nothing but the connection I have with Allah. Because its none other than Allah Who can truly console my heart during the moments when I feel so weak. Because this is the only relationship where I can be stingy with my own emotions and my energy, but if I make even the tiniest of effort like saying a short zikr, or making a dua, or just calling out to Allah or perhaps just remembering Him in my heart, and I will get the same effort or bigger in return! This is the relationship where I don’t even have to gather up the energy or muster up the courage to open up, because He already Knows all that I have been through and whatever I have in my heart better than I do! This is the relationship where I don’t have to worry if the Listener has the time to listen to me or is in the mental state to be able to console me. Because He owns time itself and He is High above any flaws! Subhaanallah!

And I tell you brothers and sisters. Nothing that I did to cope with my loneliness can come close to the consolation I get when I make efforts towards Allah. The prayers, azkaar, Quran, listening to good and making dua fills my heart with love and comfort every single time. And the beauty of this is, when He fills your heart with His Love, you become generous with the love and affection to give to those around you. You become more forgiving, because you are inspired by the One Who Loves you despite all that you do to disappoint Him. You become more empathetic and compassionate, because of how you’ve felt Him taking care of your heart.

So the next time you feel lonely, ask yourself, how is my relationship with Allah? How can I start taking some extra steps towards Him? Work on that connection and In Sha Allah you will feel that you have all the love that you need and more!