You need love. People love.

“Appreciation, acceptance and gratitude from other people are not that necessary in our lives.”

I told my sister as we were having a conversation about social anxiety, which is a disorder where a person excessively worries about how other people perceive him or her in a social situation.

“No! Sometimes it maybe more important than even food. Remember the dua of Ibrahim (AS)?”

My sister responded, compelling me to think. As I remembered the ayah she was referring to, I ended up agreeing with her.

In Surah Ibrahim, Allah describes the scene where Ibrahim (AS) is leaving his family in the desert of Makkah, and he makes this beautiful dua to Allah for his family. One part of that dua is in the ayah below.

رَّبَّنَا إِنِّي أَسْكَنتُ مِن ذُرِّيَّتِي بِوَادٍ غَيْرِ ذِي زَرْعٍ عِندَ بَيْتِكَ الْمُحَرَّمِ رَبَّنَا لِيُقِيمُوا الصَّلَاةَ فَاجْعَلْ أَفْئِدَةً مِّنَ النَّاسِ تَهْوِي إِلَيْهِمْ وَارْزُقْهُم مِّنَ الثَّمَرَاتِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَشْكُرُونَ

“Our Lord, I have settled some of my descendants in an uncultivated valley near Your sacred House, our Lord, that they may establish prayer. So make hearts among the people incline toward them and provide for them from the fruits that they might be grateful.” Surah Ibrahim, 14

Notice the order of the things Ibrahim (AS) asked Allah in this dua. He first asks Allah to make the hearts of the people inclined towards them (meaning his family, Haajar and baby Ismaeel (AS) and by extension the descendants who will come through Ismaeel (AS)) and then he asked Allah to provide them from the fruits. He asked Allah for the love of people towards his family before he asked for provision for them.

Scholars say that its because of this dua that we have a love towards the Ka’ba in Makkah and for the worship we do around it to this day. The language of the ayah does not just refer to the Ka’ba. Notice the word هِم in the words تَهْوِي إِلَيْهِمْ (incline towards them). هِم is the pronoun in Arabic used for people. So we can say that Ibrahim (AS) was asking Allah for the love of people towards his family.

The reason why I highlighted this is, sometimes, a lot of us are very hard on ourselves. Hard on ourselves as in, we feel like we do not need people in our lives. Because throughout our lives, we never really had people who appreciated us for who we are, especially since most of us grew up in a culture where it’s taboo for family to praise us for the little things. Or perhaps we never had people with sincere intentions for us. Or maybe its because of people that we had to go through the toughest times of our lives.

When we have been through a life like that, we tend to numb the need for connection with people. We try to suppress the need to reach out to other people, to share feelings, to vent and to show our sadness and tears. But we don’t realize that no matter how hard we try to suppress or numb these emotions, they will eventually come out some way or the other.

One of the ways that it will come out is that we will seek that connection we missed through a romantic relationship (thanks to the movies and series that do a number on our thinking). While this is a good thing to expect from a future marriage, expecting your future partner to fulfil ALL your emotional needs just isn’t healthy. If we carry that mindset, we will be willing to get into relationships that are not right in the first place. The moment you get a compliment from the opposite gender, you may feel that this is the person who is going to make you happy. You see how irrational and dangerous this mindset is? Subhaanallah!

This is one of the MANY reasons why we must seek connection from other people. And I don’t mean in a romantic sense. We can seek this connection within our family. If not, within our friends. Whoever it is, there must be at least one person who we can open up to and share our feelings with. Someone who will listen to us without judgement. It maybe a difficult thing to do if we haven’t done so for long in our life. But I tell you its completely worth it!

And those of you who do not think you have someone you can trust in your life, share your feelings with Allah AND ask Him for the love of righteous people in your life. It’s from the sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) too. (check the comment below) Ask from Allah with a sincere heart, and He Will answer your dua, just as He swt answered Ibrahim (AS)’s dua so beautifully, that its power exists to this day. To this day, we have a love for Haajar (SA), Ismaeel (AS), and Prophet Muhammad (SAW) who came from the descendants of Ismaeel (AS). Subhaanallah!